Be kind, criticize.

Constructive criticism is the kindest cut of all.

Reserve criticism for your friends--your foes won't listen anyway.

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!

Language-cop Citations

"By the power vested (not 'invested') in me,..."

"Allow four to six weeks for delivery" means allow six weeks for delivery.

Perhaps indicative of his own political stripes, Charlie Gibson referred to "...the assasination of attempted president Ronald Reagan"!

"Panties" should be for toddlers; grown women should wear underpants!

"A human skull has been found. Police want to know who it belongs to." Finders/Keepers, I suppose--whomever it originally belonged to is unlikely to reclaim it!

If comfort is your goal, neither a straggler nor a leader be.

Stragglers will likely be gobbled up by a predator higher in the food chain--not a pleasing prospect for the prey but beneficial, long-term, to the fitness of its herd.

Flap your wings too enthusiastically and you may leave the rest of the flock behind; that's OK, as long as you don't rely on the flock for direction.

When scaling a summit, be sure to conserve sufficient strength for the descent.

The higher one ascends, the more precarious one's perch.

Follow me!

Among lemmings, and the lemming-like, the attraction of hurtling to one's death alongside one's fellows is greater than the prospect of surviving by standing alone.

If one leans too readily on crutches for support, one risks losing the ability to stand alone.

Introspection

It's easy to identify dementia in others, much more difficult to recognize one's own derangement.

With others' peccadilloes, fine lines separate endearing from annoying from obnoxious!

We are blinded by the good we see in ourselves and the bad we see in all who oppose us.

Nothing (and no one) is ever "always" anything.

Trivial Pursuit

Learning to accumulate knowledge allows one to excel at parlor games; learning to apply knowledge enables one to excel at life.

We are not at our best when we suffer; we are at our best when we alleviate suffering.

Fight fair!

There are no fair fights--the stronger, swifter, or cleverer prevails.

In any losing battle, there comes a propitious time to concede defeat.

Winners don't fight losing battles.

Most of us would rather choke on it than have to swallow our pride.

Better to save one's ass than to save face.

The Meaning of Christmas

Philosophers and theologians down through the ages
Have studied and scrutinized the Scriptures' pages
Searching for the meaning of yule logs and holly,
Of carols and mistletoe, of elves fat and jolly,
Of wisemen bearing myrrh and incense,
Of prayer and salvation and reverence,
Of shepherds and mangers, and a blazing star
That guided pilgrims from near and far.
And while scholars reflect and pundits ponder
This season of spiritual awe and wonder,
Good Christians everywhere, one and all,
Grab their credit cards and rush to the Mall!

"The Power of Words"

I experience the joy of an epiphany whenever I realize the one word that most-precisely conveys the exact meaning I intend.

I want the reader to hear my words just as they sounded to me in my head when I wrote them.

"The Tyranny of Words"

Not even Shakespeare could ever fully describe the simplest object or event; yet, we rely on words to express our most complex emotions.

No matter how rhapsodical your delivery, unless I comprehend what (you think) you said, your communication fails.

Language-cop Citations

Pass the Ipecac: Following the Nannygate affair, another au pere explained, "You don't stop an entire program because of one antidotal case."

The outraged caller complained about self-styled superpatriots who "wrap themselves around the flag." (Neat trick, Plastic Man!)

He said: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman..."
He meant: 1) fellatio does not qualify as "sex," 2) an occasional blowjob does not constitute "relations."

Historian: "Calvin Coolidge was sworn in by his father, who was a notary republic."

Producers of the "Lolita" re-make expressed concern about a potential backlash from "moral groups." More likely, any backlash would come from moralizing groups.

In Trust we trust.

I don't care how smart or talented you may be; if I can't trust you, you are worthless to me.

Without trust, we cannot communicate; without communication, we cannot relate.

If one routinely lies to others, can one reliably be honest with oneself?

The truth, the whole truth...

Unless we each can assume that the other is being truthful, we can only babble.

You grant that I'm being truthful not because I say I'm telling the truth, but because your experience with me assures you that I'm a truth-teller.

If it's other than my "honest opinion," it isn't my opinion at all.

Payback

Let me be sure I understand: When your great-grandparents slaved to pick cotton under the lash of Simon Legree, mine struggled to survive under the yoke of a persecutory Czar; when your grandparents fled Southern oppression, mine ran for their lives from Russian pogroms; when your parents faced racial prejudice, mine confronted religious discrimination; when you were stung by "nigger," I was taunted with "kike" and "Christ-killer"--and you want me to pay you reparations?

Credit when it's due

President Bush articulated a concise, lucid defense of his plan to assist the Big 3 U.S. automakers. In the darkest days of his failed administration, the president attained his brightest moment.

Endangered Species

I have no problem with miscegenation, in principle. But it would be a shame to sacrifice the rainbow hues of multi-ethnic variegation for a cafe au lait monochrome.

I would lament the passing of the White (Black/Yellow/Red) race, much as I would the passing of the Spotted Owl.

Look ahead; but while you're at it, look around.

Tunnel vision blinds one to wonders at the periphery.


We don blinders, then seem surprised when we're blindsided.


"Live in the present"--sound advice; but always with an ear to the past and an eye on the future.

The REAL "Secret"

Observe carefully, ask searching questions, evaluate evidence critically, reexamine your premises, weigh your options, establish attainable priorities, work diligently, acknowledge what is, don't believe everything you see, live in the present, pursue excellence, take responsibility, welcome challenges, expect no favors or fairness, rely on no other, learn and embrace your limitations, accept that shit happens (don't take it personally); then, with a bit of luck, you may achieve a favorable outcome.

If you find yourself on a peak, stop climbing; if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

Verities

The elderly millionairess had been missing for months when the judge declared her "legally absent"!

Storm tracker: "The speed of the hurricane has slowed by 25%...that means it will stick around for 25% longer"!

Political pundit: "What Congess does with the Report depends on what's in it"!

Man from Hope: "I have no one but myself to blame for my self-inflicted wounds"!

Contestant: "My husband is a truck driver."
Regis: "So he's on the road a lot"!

At a press conference in Baghdad, an Iraqi journalist hurled insults (and his shoes!) at president Bush. Dubya later reflected, "I don't know what his beef is." We invaded and occupied the reporter's homeland, killing tens of thousands of his countrymen--and our lame-duck lame duck doesn't have a clue what his "beef" might be?!

What time is it?

Time is a juggernaut.

You might as well slow down--you cannot outrun the march of time.

Time is a precious resource and a scarce commodity--expend it stingily.

Ease up. Back off. Try again.

Count your blessings.

I may (and at times certainly do) feel sad or oppressed, but I don't feel sorry for myself; and I don't waste time or energy trying to find comfort by counting my "blessings," by comparing the intensity/extent of others' greater misfortunes to my own, by railing against Life's supposed unfairness, or by longing for an invisible rescuer and agonizing when he/she/it fails to arrive.

Trying to expel an unwelcome thought often makes it more intrusive.

I want it. I want it NOW!

In deciding what you want from life, remember that as you grow, your desires, too, will evolve.

For each desideratum, you must determine what price you are willing (and able) to pay.

If you focus exclusively on what works, you will never fix what's broken.

This time, I tend to side with the Republicans: Democrats need to stop coddling the UAW; if union members expect taxpayers to save their jobs, they must accept deeper, more-immediate cuts.

Postcard from the Closet

"Coming out" seems to be in fashion--whether sharing one's sexual preferences, one's chemical dependencies, or one's dysfunctional childhood, the catharsis is said to be therapeutic. Okay, so I'm from the Old School--I tend to suffer and endure quietly, in private, and to keep my personal problems and pain to myself. There, I feel better already.

Take time to see the rainbows, hear the laughter, taste a lover's kiss, touch someone's heart.

Laws of Communication

Effective communication depends not on speed but on my ability to say (and convey) what I mean and yours to hear (and understand) what I say.

To sustain constructive dialogue, take care not to come across as belittling or dismissive--no matter how self-evident your rectitude.

Rebut, don't ridicule.

It's okay to get angry--it's not okay to get nasty.

Laws of (Mis)Communication

If one's words can be misinterpreted, they will be misinterpreted; if one's meanings can be misunderstood, they will be misunderstood; if one's motives can be misconstrued, they will be misconstrued.

Vox Populi

The loudest voices among the American electorate are the Nay-sayers and the Free-lunchers!

Do as I say, not as I do.

Fire-breathing politicians are demanding that the CEOs of the Big 3 automakers have to go: "The same people who got us into this mess can't be part of a restructuring. That just doesn't make sense." (Many of these self-aggrandizing politicos are among the same enablers and abetters who got us into this mess. That just doesn't make sense!)

Language-cop Citations

"The vote of the eighteen-member board was sixteen to nothing"!

Conservative columnist Walter Williams excoriated "female congresswomen"!

How did "pissed off" and "that sucks" become accepted in sociable discourse?

The bachelor jock bemoaned the dearth of "quality" dates: "I'm looking for someone who can conversate"!

If "apostasy" is the abandonment of religion, shouldn't a disciple be a "postle"?

"The most important thing about the Olympics is not to win." If not winning were most important, they'd award medals to the losers!

Terri Schiavo Redux

Sunny von Bulow died last week, after a prolonged coma during which she exhibited no signs of brain activity. All the retrospectives that I read or heard focused on the celebrity of the participants in this sensational whodunnit--none addressed the travesty of forcing sustenance through a stomach tube into a mindless husk for 28 years. This tragedy illustrates not the sanctity of preserving life but the obscenity of prolonging death. R.I.P. Sunny--finally.

Heartbreak Hotel

My high school girlfriend was responsible for my first broken heart--and for the realization that broken hearts are rarely fatal.



More relationships are undone by sabotage than by direct frontal assault.

I can never forgive Feminism for plural pronouns referring to singular nouns.

Who'll save the White Knight?!

When a White Knight meets a damsel in distress, one often winds up with both a damsel and a White Knight in distress.

I resent when the best of me is called my "feminine side." I've never heard it said of a successful woman athlete or corporate executive that she's "in touch" with her masculine side.

Much of what passes for communication between the sexes requires a secret decoder ring!

Save the Nukes!

Why would anyone want to get rid of nuclear weapons? Nukes, and the threat of incineration they imply, have kept us from Global Conflagration from more than sixty years now. The credibility of the nuclear deterrent, of course, depends on the conviction that nukes might actually be used. Detonating a nice, tidy little tactical Bomb on some third-world dictator every now and then would probably do the trick.

The neutron bomb, that would kill people without destroying property, makes sound economic sense; it's cheaper to repopulate than to rebuild.

Each New Jerseyan--every man/woman/child--spends $9.33 per month on state-employee salaries. Each Ohioan spends $5.20. Each Tennessean spends $4.69. Each Floridian spends $3.79. I calculated these figures from official 2007 data readily available on the Internet. Similar computations could be done for municipal and county workers, but I strongly suspect that the trends would be the same. Are we New Jerseyans patsies--or what? Unless we believe that our quality of life in the Garden State is compellingly superior to that in Ohio, Tennessee, and Florida (et al), we should demand a dramatic reduction in public-sector workforce expenditures and should consistently, reliably expel all incumbent politicians--this election, next election, every election--until they get the message that we're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore!

"Concessions"

To save automakers, the UAW conceded a few delayed payments and deferred contributions. Preserving union jobs will require more: American payscales must be reset to better reflect the new global economic realities.
(See 8/3 entry, "Get ready to rrrrumble!")

A stinkweed by any other name...

How come the Japanese raid at Pearl Harbor is always referred to as a "sneak attack," but the Allies' secret D-day invasion at Normandy was a "surprise"?

We "confront and capture" their soldiers; they "ambush and kidnap" ours.

We call them War Criminals. They compare us to Nazis. Meanwhile, sticks and stones are breaking bones.

Our collective madness is not new, just more visible--and vastly more toxic.

Peace in our time?

In the endless cycles of Middle-East revenge and retribution, it becomes difficult to recall how/why/by whom the blood-letting began.

Claims to a homeland based on conjecture about who lived there first, thousands of years ago, are nonsensical; if we really accepted the legitimacy of that criterion, we would all pack our bags and cede the Americas back to the aborigines who preceded us. Turf in the Middle East, as elsewhere throughout history, will ultimately belong to whoever has the strength, guile, and will to take it and hold it.

The gap may be unbridgeable, peace unsustainable, between one society that rears its children to become teachers, scientists, engineers and other societies whose loftiest goal for their offspring is martyrdom.

Israel insisted that its incursion into Lebanon was not an invasion. It sure looked like an invasion. It killed and destroyed like an invasion. I wonder if there's a Hebrew word for something that waddles and quacks but isn't a duck!?

Posturing federal legislators are demanding a symbolic pound of flesh for every ton of funny money they lavish on the troubled automakers. Will the politicos be as exacting when bailing out their profligate bureaucratic allies in city and state governments? Don't bet on it!

Forward, march!

One doesn't make progress by standing still.


To avoid becoming stuck, keep moving forward.


The first step to reaching one's destination is to take the first step.


Set one foot in front of the other. Again. Again...

Walk through life with a purposeful stride.

"Can you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here," asked Alice.

The path is revealed when the fog lifts, but one must still decide which way to go.

Two steps forward and one back may slow one's progress but permits a second chance to consider whether one is proceeding in the proper direction.

Willingness to reverse course when faced with exigent circumstances is a sign not of weakness but of strength.

One never knows what may lie just over the next hillock or around the next bend; therein lies much of our fear, and much of our hope.

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

If one's objective is simply to get from here to there, it doesn't much matter which way one goes; if, however, one likes to linger and enjoy the views, one is well-advised to take the scenic route.

Had I gotten here by an alternate route, my destination would be the same, but I wouldn't.

In the fast lane, you'll cover more territory but have less time to enjoy the terrain.

I will know I have arrived when there is nowhere I would rather be.

Ouch!

Pain focuses one's attention.

If you've never felt pain, you will never experience ecstasy.

More than pain, I fear numbness.

Amputation may be no less painful than progressive gangrene, but the pain is generally shorter-lived.

Without periodic application of a soothing balm, minor irritations can become suppurating sores.

A wound will heal more quickly, and less likely leave a scar, if one doesn't keep picking at the scab.

The "Meaning" of Life

"Takes a licking, keeps on ticking": a cheap wristwatch as metaphor for Life.

Life is a procession of petty larcenies and deceits.

I can conjure in my mind's eye images neither more winsome nor more vile than those which daily parade before me.

Airing dirty linen removes unpleasant odors.

THANKSGIVING:

Annual masquerade party when the Munsters pretend to be the Cleavers.

He was my friend for nearly 60 years. We disagreed often--sometimes heatedly--but always civilly and respectfully. Our arguments always ended with an affirmation of friendship and affection.

Brevity is the bane of obfuscators.

Earnest banalities are still banal.

Language-cop Citations

It's barbiturate, not "barbituate"; memento, not "momento"; Ku, not "Klu" Klux Klan; predeliction, not "predilection."

"The original Godzilla was just a guy in a fake monster suit." What's a fake monster suit?

Announcer, as the runner reached the finish line: "Everything he's got is hanging out!" (I hope his Mom wasn't watching!)

Fahrenheit 451: "High temperatures today in the hundreds." (One-hundreds, I hope!)

"Highs today in the upper 60s; currently 74 degrees."

Jeopardy! category: Countries of the World (As opposed to what other countries, Alex?)

The thrill of victory...

The trouble with competition is that, for someone, there's always the "agony of defeat."

Not every victory has to be by knockout; a split decision still goes in the record books as a Win.

For winning to be meaningful, there must be more Losers than Winners.

Try to win, be prepared to lose, play well.

The goal of true Sport should be to better oneself, not to beat someone else.

Dopers and Dopes

The pro baseballer claimed he had "no idea" why he tested positive for steroid usage. Here's a thought: perhaps because he used steroids?!

The athlete's mother believed her son's positive doping test was god's way of ensuring that (after vindication) the victory would be fully savored and appreciated. (Occasionally I encounter a statement so blatantly moronic that I am left literally speechless.)

Team Spirit among professional players lasts only until the next better offer.

With equal alacrity, sports fans embrace winners and abandon losers.

Gangsta Rap

The pro hockey "enforcer" methodically stalked his prey, snuck up behind him and sucker-punched the opponent, breaking his neck. Payback. The camera caught it all--including the attacker's smug smirk of satisfaction. Later, faced with potential criminal charges, he apologized, complete with crocodile tears, to his victim: "I'm sorry--I didn't mean to hurt you." Yeah, sure. Violence in sports is no different from violence in the 'hood, except that gangster-athletes don't have the excuse of economic and cultural deprivation.

Without the likelihood of a brawl, how many fans would attend a hockey match? Without the prospect of a crash, how many spectators would watch a NASCAR race?

The professional wrestler complained, "Fans are becoming like mad dogs." If one feeds Bowser a steady diet of raw meat, one should not be surprised if he develops a taste for blood.

The footballer, in the second season of his seven-year, $49,000,000 deal, insisted he had already out-performed his contract. Who does he think he is--Ryan Seacrest?!

Allies

Ignorance and apathy are the tyrant's staunchest allies.

Despots don't require allegiance, only indifference.

Love, Honor, and...Obey?

Unquestioning obedience is the mark of brave soldiers and cowardly civilians.

Unquestioning obedience is the demand of the master, the burden of the slave.

Safety First

Danger, it seems, lurks everywhere. One response has been the advent of gated communities. But what will become of our social fabric as we progressively retreat, each armed to the teeth, to the false security of our private enclaves?

In the new planned community, all residents will be armed-and-trained marksmen. They will have no one to fear but themselves.

Sometimes the cover-up is more damning than the crime.

Verities

At the height of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, NBC's Tim Russert observed Bill Clinton's surprisingly high approval ratings: "The president just keeps humping along"!

The dog trainer noted the advantages of a female puppy: "Females are more maternal"!

In a prison riot, several inmates were hurt and one killed; reportedly, the dead man was "the most-seriously injured"!

Police Chief, describing the suspect: "Anytime they're carrying a gun and they're willing to shoot, they're dangerous"!

Child-care expert reveals research results: "We now know that parents make a real difference in the lives of their children"!

Light at the end?

I worry about the children. I grew up with a functional family, in an idyllic small town, during a time of relative innocence. Things are much more complicated now. Too many of our kids today emerge expectantly from their youth, only to find themselves staring down a long, dark, empty tunnel.

I wondered why Newt Gingrich was so villified when he advocated that for some of our lost children, orphanages might be preferable to households in which the parent(s) is/are ill-prepared and ill-equipped financially, intellectually, and emotionally to provide a healthy, nourishing and nurturing environment.

As grade-school children, we practiced duck-and-cover in preparation for the nuclear attack that never came; soon our grandchildren may be participating in similar drills--a shameful legacy.

Education Reform

A teacher that doesn't educate should be fired; a school that doesn't educate should be closed; a community that doesn't educate should be ashamed.

If "every parent should be allowed to send their child to the very best school in ther community," won't we wind up with one school per community?

How did it come to pass that exclusionary social clubs and fraternal organizations were accepted as a positive dimension of a child's higher education?

What's wrong with kids these days?

Now exercise can be fun. Even learning can be fun. Is anyone teaching kids that not everything in life is fun--that some tasks require grinding, back-breaking work?!

Parents feel compelled to fill every silent space, every vacant moment--to keep their kids constantly entertained; then wonder years later why the grown children can't hold a steady job or find an enduring relationship.

"Every child can succeed, no matter what they face." Sure they can--just define "success" as whatever each child manages to accomplish.

Mommy Dearest

Our children's accomplishments make us no more accomplished; neither do their imperfections make us more imperfect.

"Mother of the Year" should be awarded after we see how the kids turn out!

In a TV commercial for a nutritional supplement, a breathless and dejected middle-aged father complained because his son had just beaten him in a basketball game. I wished for my own children that they exceed me in every way.

Too Stupid To Reproduce

The 62-year-old woman already had ten children when she delivered another, following in vitro fertilization. The new mom, already a great-grandmother, deserves a TSTR Award for her comment, "I believe that age is just a number." Shame on her doctors--there is a difference between what medical science can do and should do!

Following use of fertility drugs, a woman delivered eight babies. It was not a medical "miracle," it was a medical side show; if god intended octuplets, he'd have given women eight teats!

Asked whether mentally retarded adults should have children, the social worker asserted that "All Americans have a right to be parents." Who conferred the Right to Parenthood?

The 22-year-old single mom already has five children whom she has never been able to adequately care for. Now she has a new "boyfriend"! What are her, and taxpayers', Rights (and Responsibilities)?

An Afghan hound was successfully cloned from a single donor ear cell. At what point, precisely, did the ear cell become a dog?

Pro-Lifers may argue that a clone is not the result of "natural" conception. So is the living, breathing (barking, peeing, humping) dog not a dog? Would a human clone not be a person?

Immutable Laws of (Mis)Communication

If one's words can be misinterpreted, they will be misinterpreted; if one's meanings can be misunderstood, they will be misunderstood; if one's motives can be misconstrued, they will be misconstrued.

Language-cop Citations

Burial insurance offers coverage for "your final expenses." My final expenses will likely be for my last meal--once I'm gone, the cost of planting me will be someone else's expense!

"Montauk is a place where the hoi polloi often come--the movie stars, the writers." Actually, "hoi polloi" refers not to the uppercrust but to the Ralph Kramdens and Archie Bunkers--and they may more likely be found in Asbury Park!

The author described a seaman who "survived drowning." Drowning means death by submersion--the seaman survived near-drowning!

Isn't Attention Deficit Disorder really an Attention Disorder?

"With proper motivation at home, kids can exceed their greatest potential." Sorry, kids--"potential" is something you should strive to achieve but can never exceed!

Natural Selection

If intelligence and good looks have survival value, how come so many of us are dumb and ugly?

god's biggest blunder was appointing Man as steward of his Creation.

Caution!

STOP.


LOOK.


LISTEN.


(One never knows, for sure, when a train may be coming.)

Just as I was basking in newfound respect for the American electorate, homophobic Californians burst my bubble with their vote to outlaw Gay marriage.

Wake up--and die!

I can't make up my mind about the Death Penalty. I can think of no punishment too severe for many rapists, pedophiles, and murderers--and I see little reason to sustain them, for a lifetime, at public expense. But what if the jury were wrong? And what might be the effect of state-sanctioned killing on our collective psyche?

The state wanted the schizophrenic Death Row inmate restored to competency so he could be executed. A defendent should be competent to stand trial; but, once convicted and sentenced, why must he be competent to die?

After another temporary eleventh-hour stay, he was put to death at 1:37 AM; odd timing--I wonder if they had to wake him up to kill him.

Death Row inmates sue Governor for removing satellite dish

They're guilty of murder in the first degree,
But now this disgruntled constituency
Of killers and rapists have decided to sue--
Without cable they've only re-runs to view.
Claiming protection under the Golden Rule,
"Judge Judy all day is Unusual and Cruel!"

If I believed that evil-doers burn in hell, I might favor the death penalty to speed them on their way.

A Modest Proposal

The United States imprisons more of its citizens than any other nation. We spend $60 billion anually on "corrections." On any given day, nearly 1% of Americans (more than 2 million of us) are incarcerated, many of whom are non-violent offenders who represent little danger and who constitute a vast, relatively untapped potential manpower pool.
I propose we eliminate mandatory-minimum sentences for certain categories of criminals; instead, let's impose variable financial penalties (depending on the seriousness of the infraction, doubled for recidivists), which can be paid off (plus room and board charges) only through mandatory participation in selected public works projects (like trash pick-up, beautification of our parks, restoration of our decrepit highways and bridges). All labor would be valued equally, but jobs would be assigned according to each inmate's interests and/or abilities. Full-time labor all day, jail at night; you earn your way out--you learn the value of work and, while you're at it, you might even acquire a marketable skill--and, like it or not, you give something back to society.

I support the renewed use of chain gangs. I see nothing demeaning in constructive labor, like road building or trash collection; I see nothing inhumane about shackling prisoners together to prevent escape; and I see nothing cruel or unusual in society's insistence that every able individual (whether average citizen, welfare mom, or incarcerated felon) earn his/her keep.

Congratulations to us, America!

Candidate Barrack Obama won my support in 2008 with his powerful forward-looking promise of renewal; in 2012, incumbent president Barrack Obama will have to earn my vote with the promise fulfilled. Break a leg, Mr. Obama!

It was fascinating how quickly on election night the historical revisionism began. As the outcome became clear, one Conservative commentator favorably equated the fervor of evangelicals who twice supported Bush with the enthusiasm of progressives now committed to Obama. But Bush was a bumbler with a mediocre intellect (at best) who could barely mutter a coherent sentence and should reasonably have inspired no one; whereas Obama obviously posseses a prodigious intellect and is capable of soaring rhetoric that can inspire and uplift even his critics; the pundit confused zealotry with zeal.

What a pleasure this is going to be--a president who has at least demonstrated mastery of his (and our) native tongue!

Designer Genes

Though I could replicate the core of me,
And clone a couple dozen more of me,
Abstinence I would demand of me--
One is all that I could stand of me!

The question is no longer whether we can clone ourselves, but why we would want to.

Verities

Financial planner advises saving for retirement: "The more you have, the better off you're going to be"!

Papal Emissary: "If a miracle is a miracle, it's a miracle"!

The wife murdered her husband, then killed herself; investigators disclosed that the couple "may have had marital difficulties"!

A psychologist testified that the teenage mass murderer "has a personality defect"!

After the bank robber was shot dead, the police spokesman announced, "The subject is no longer a threat to anyone in this area"!

Be careful what you wish for.

It's Election Day! If Democrats win an overwhelming mandate, controlling the Executive Branch and both chambers of the Legislature, they will then have to govern--they will no longer be able to credibly blame the Republicans for their failures.

Lumpers and Splitters

When it comes to reaping the benefits of Affirmative Action, advocates want to group Blacks, stressing their similarities; when it comes to crime or teen pregnancy, advocates shun "stereotypes," emphasizing Blacks' differences.

One minority student argued, "I don't want a handout, I just want an opportunity." But an opportunity undeserved is a handout. The only opportunity she should be guaranteed is the opportunity to compete under a uniform set of rules that neither favor nor discriminate against any group.

Clarence Thomas is criticized because he was a beneficiary of Affirmative Action but now opposes it. Many Germans benefited under National Socialism but later renounced it. One need not remain slavishly devoted to any credo from which one gained some personal advantage.

I watched a tribute to Black Art (as best I could tell, any work produced by a Black artist). Would it be politically and taxonomically correct to classify American Gothic, the Sistine Chapel, and Andy Warhol's soup cans as White Art? Art is transcendent--let's leave it that way.

Final Days

Homo sapiens may simply be another evolutionary dead-end that will be shrugged off for failure to adapt.

Man will be succeeded by a fitter species--one that can control its fecundity and accept its mortality.

The extinction of humankind will be a boon to every living thing save humankind.

Man's self-extermination will usher in a Golden Age for the few remaining creatures for whom we have not by then rendered the planet uninhabitable.

For Man, a doomsday comet is "Lucifer's Hammer"; for the Earth, it's a celestial enema!

How many "wake-up calls" do we need before we wake up?

I clearly remember, at age nine or ten, being stunned to learn in school that there were two billion inhabitants on Earth. Within my lifetime, that number has more than tripled. But we need not fret about the consequences for posterity of our indifference toward population control--our children's children can always rely on Famine, Pestilence, and War to restore balance.

We possess the know-how to create an Eden; that we lack the will and are, instead, producing a cesspool is testament to Man's depravity.

A few contrarians still dispute the impending reality of apocalyptic global warming and claim, instead, that we are actually at the dawn of the next Ice Age--while the debate festers, a medium-weight worsted should do nicely.

I no longer despair for the future of our species; we will get exactly what we deserve.

Boundaries

We dwell within three boxes: the boundaries of the first are defined by our physiological limitations, the second by the limitations others impose upon us, the third (and often most confining) by the limitations we accept for ourselves; only the first box is escape-proof.

Lying: A Pre-election Primer

Few adversaries are more fearsome than an accomplished liar.

We have more to fear from liars among us than from provocateurs abroad.

The first lie sticks in one's craw; the second may come a bit easier; the third, easier still; until, without intervention, one learns to lie unflinchingly.

Small lies that don't matter are the seeds of bigger lies that do.

If you think he would lie to you now, what makes you doubt he will lie to you later?

Accepting a lie emboldens the liar.

Shhh!

Words may create a void--they can never fill one.

Language can be used as a weapon; so can silence.

The skillful communicator understands the power of the unsaid.

My silence is not a threat but an invitation: Join me.

Language-cop Citations

How did Reruns become "Encore Presentations," suggesting they're back by popular demand?

The male model was asked if he ever got embarrassed by all the attention from the Opposite Sex. He related an incident when he was lying "buck naked" on a beach and found himself surrounded by gawking women: "So sometimes it does get hard." (And difficult, too, I'll bet!)

My friend found it interesting that I was preserving my thoughts "for prosperity." That would be interesting--and more lucrative than writing for posterity!

Enquiring minds want to know: Is the Christian Children's Fund a fund for Christian children or a Christian fund for children?

Accepting his Emmy, actor Hector Elizondo enthused, "Thank you, I'm bereft!" (Why, Hector, had your show been canceled?)

Dear Miss Manners:

Let's stop sanitizing the images of death and destruction. And let's get rid of all Rules of Armed Combat--they're oxymoronic anyway. Our foes have never even heard of the Marquis of Queensbury or Emily Post. From now on, no more Geneva Conventions--anything goes! If we reveal the unvarnished and unexpurgated horror of war, maybe we will finally stop warring.

A tidy little war every now and then may be politically expedient, to distract the electorate from focusing too insistently on their own unmet needs.

Rousing pre-war rhetoric is designed to cow the enemy and frighten the domestic citizenry into acquiescence.

Keeping Score

We killed 3,000,000 Vietnamese, they killed 50,000 Americans; shouldn't that score mean we won?

The Domino Theory was the rationale for the Vietnam War--if we lost to the "Commies" there, democracies throughout Southeast Asia would fall (like dominoes). We lost. But since then, how many democratic regimes in Southeast Asia have been toppled by the Red Menace?

Verdict?

The wives of my enemy succor my enemy. The progeny of my enemy are my enemies-in-waiting. "Innocent women and children"?

Among warring nations, are any "innocent" who support or sustain their failed leaders?

"This has been the bloodiest century ever." I wonder if that's been true of every previous century.

Overkill

The suicide bomber detonating his homemade pyrotechnics and the jet jockey raining death and destruction from the wild blue yonder--both killers, each killing for his own noble purpose with the most lethal means at his disposal.

What is the moral distinction between a few insurgents shooting a family of civilians and an aggressor nation strategically bombing entire cities?

Who has killed more "innocent Iraqis"--the jihadists or the United States military? I don't know the answer, but I think the question is legitimate.

Whether dispatched by a crude improvised device or by sophisticated state-of-the-"art" munitions--whether labeled "murder victims" or "collateral damage"--all are just as dead!

Has there ever been a war in which either side didn't believe they were fighting for a just cause?

Once the first bomb drops, it no longer matters who was at fault--all that matters is who will prevail.

Politicians and Poets

Mankind can be roughly divided into Politicians and Poets: the former, who look at a starfish and see bait; the latter, whose jaws go slack at the simple, elegant, enigmatic wonder of the thing.

Only creatures that can think have the capacity to act irrationally.

Getting To Know Me

Getting to know oneself is a lifelong pursuit; one can never--really--know an Other.

My identity is forged not only by who and what I am but by who and what others think I am.

I refuse to allow my sense of Self to be determined by the actions or attitudes of others.

Who I am is a given; what I am is a choice.

"The Bell Curve"

It does not seem remarkable to me that there may be genetic racial differences in intelligence or athletic ability--it would seem remarkable to me if there were not.

Tolerance means accepting our differences; harmony requires embracing them.

My ism is bigger than your ism!

America's national guilt over Racism (85% oppressing 15%) is being exploited to divide, distract, and divert us from the more insidious treachery of Classism (5% oppressing 95%).

Ouch!

Pain focuses one's attention.

Man is the only animal whose thoughts, alone, can be a source of unbearable pain.

The experience of pleasure requires the memory of pain; smell the rose, remember the stinkweed.

The most exquisite pain is the pain borne by one's child.

Even a rat can learn to avoid pain by altering its course. Why is it some people can't seem to do as much?

Verities

In the ultimate tribute to Jimmy Stewart, actor Ben Gazzara eulogized," His immortality is endless"!

Queried about his team's prospects, the pro jock prophesied, "We could go up or down"!

A crowded footbridge collaped, injuring dozens of pedestrians; an official explained, "It couldn't support the weight"!

Asked whether he thought authorities would apprehend the fugitive, the guest-expert opined, "If they knew where he was, they'd find him"!

Victorious racecar driver: "I want to thank my mom--without her I wouldn't be here"!

What is wrong with the Democrats--a Death Wish?--could there be two less-inspiring congressional leaders than Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid?

Give Peace a Chance

I attended a program commemorating the International Day of Peace. The speakers, representing four different religious denominations, were upbeat and optimistic. The audience was buoyant. After the speeches, we enjoyed punch and cookies. In skirmishes around the world, the killing continued.

John McCain fundamentally and resolutely opposes the notion of "spreading the wealth." Am I safe in assuming, then, that McCain/Palin will champion repeal of the progressive income tax that has been the law of the land, spreading the wealth, since 1862?

DANGER: Machismo Ahead!

As some parents try to compensate for their own lack of athletic prowess by the accomplishments of their children, so some politicos attempt vicariously to assert their masculinity through use of the military.

The number-one problem in the world is TESTOSTERONE--not only in the context of birth control, but in the sense that male political leaders seem compelled to prove, often by force of arms, that their cocks are bigger and stiffer than the next guy's.

Whether with slingshots or ICBMs, boys will be boys.

The main difference between the War we played as boys and the wars we wage as men is that now our soldiers bleed.

Victory is not vindication.

In the euphoric flush of victory, memories rapidly fade of the destruction wrought and the price paid.

The intoxication of winning distracts most citizens from questioning whether limited and uncertain ends justified the horror of the means.

Once we win, what will it be we have won (and what lost)?

Is Iraq really worth the sacrifice? If we assign a value (to us) of Iraq ("x") and a value (ask the families) of the life of one U.S. soldier ("y"), the analysis then becomes quite elementary: n = x/y, where "n" is the number of American troops worth sacrificing for Iraq. Unless, of course, "y" is greater than "x."

The one thing war planners can be sure of is that nothing in war will go as planned.

Behold, the Paragons!

After bombing the bejesus out of them for a week, our Commander-in-Chief complained that they weren't playing by the rules when they seized three American soldiers. War is hell, Mr. President.

Years ago, I watched Mario Cuomo defend a U.S. military exploit by arguing that to do otherwise "would make us look foolish." I have always admired Governor Cuomo's oratorical skill and respected his intellectual horsepower--but, deadly force to avoid looking foolish? I once participated in a group exercise in which the women were required to assume the role of Tarzan, while the men portrayed Jane. I was made to look very foolish--we all were--and we survived; that was the point. Looking foolish is not lethal--an RPG up your ass is! Five of Them had been killed that day--five nameless, faceless Them who were as convinced of the rightness of their cause as we of ours; and who prayed to their god, as we to ours, for safekeeping and deliverance. How many American boys and girls, Mr. Cuomo, would you have been willing to sacrifice to avoid looking foolish? To me, on that night, you looked pretty foolish.

Our Defense Secretary blustered, "We'll show them we're not playing games!" But we are playing games--it's just that they're big-boy games instead of little-boy games--and the stakes are much higher.

After mistakenly bombing the Chinese embassy, the NATO commander affirmed his confidence in the target-selection process. He should have been stripped of his membership in the Flat Earth Society!

Want to know which companies profit most from (any) war? Watch to see where the wartime bureaucrats go to work when they leave office.

Following the Cuban missile crisis, Bobby Kennedy reflected that if Kruschev had underestimated U.S. resolve to use nuclear weapons, the world could have been destroyed. Would we, then, have been victorious? Who would be keeping score? Sometimes it's better to blink.

If you don't vote, don't complain!

I'm an inveterate political junkie,
And the candidates are so supremely funky,
I'm already in serious campaign withdrawal,
Yearning for more sound bites, further venom and gall.

The hopefuls, it seemed, were not above pandering,
With non-stop circumloquacious meandering.
So I'm left with an ache, like a carious tooth,
Does their rhetoric bear any semblance to Truth?

"There are no more true Statesmen," we bitch and we moan,
"Our government is broken," we grunt and we groan,
Then we vote in our own self-interest with verve,
And inevitably get just what we deserve!

Can we talk?

I observed two gents of my acquaintance engaged in a commonplace male-bonding ritual--discussing Monday Night Football. They had performed this rite many times before, with remarkably similar dialogue. Innocent enough. But this was the full extent of their infrequent "communication." They never progressed farther or delved deeper, never learned anything meaningful from each other about themselves or anything else. Just words. Blah, blah!

Chitchat, each distractedly half-listening to the other, may be a useful form of social intercourse, as long as both understand and accept the nature of the exchange; but if we are to converse, I must have your full, undivided attention, and I will give you mine.

Language-cop Citations

The appraiser indicated that the snake etched on the Civil War sword symbolized the "succession" of the Confederacy. He must have slept through History class--the South's secession did not result in succession!

Unless you're Roto Rooter Man, it's flesh out, not "flush out" (the details).

Unless you're counting your pay twice, it's remuneration, not "renumeration."

Unless you're nervous about our encounter, you are eager, not "anxious," to see me.

It's home in, like a pigeon, not "hone in" (on the target).

Believe It Or Not!

American democracy has become a lopsided contest between lying politicians and an electorate lacking the capacity to discern truthtelling from artful deception.

Speechwriter's nightmare: "My fellow Americans, I lied. I lied to a multitude of individuals. I lied in a multiplicity of venues. I lied repeatedly over an extended period of time. I told a passel of lies--some were whoppers. But you can believe me now because..."

Regulate/Deregulate is a Hobson's Choice--Lose/Lose--the corruption of Power on Wall Street and the corruption of Power on Pennsylvania Avenue are equally pervasive and noxious.

While Bush/McCain crow about tenuous successes in Iraq, many real security experts agree that the central battlefield in the War on Terror is Afghanistan--and that there we are losing.

Practice, Practice, Practice

From Nixon to O.J. to Bill Clinton--some people have an astonishing ability to lie convincingly. I conclude such proficiency must come from practice!

The more convincing the lie, the greater the likelihood that the author is a perennial liar.

John McCain said Sarah Palin is "overqualified in many respects." What respects might those be, senator? Then McCain asserted that Palin won her debate against Joe Biden, despite polls indicating that the viewing public had awarded the Win to Biden, by a margin of 2 to 1. No one who views the world through such a distorted prism (or lies so unconscionably) is fit to be President of the United States.

I find it off-putting when strangers call me "pal" or "buddy"--or when John McCain calls me "my friend." I get to choose my friends, Mr. McCain.

Snakes and Snails and Puppydog Tails

Venutians extend an olive branch; Martians assume it's an invitation for martinis.

Venutions never burn bridges; Martians burn the bridge, then dynamite the pilings.

Ventians covet trinkets, Martians covet toys; most trinkets don't go Boom!

Salesperson-of-the-Millennium: whoever sold men on "Women and
children first!"

Sugar and Spice...

I am prepared to accept that women may be smarter. They're also softer, and they smell better.

Whenever a woman disagrees with a man, she considers herself enlightened and him opinionated.

A pretty young woman is like a newly-cast bronze sculpture--pleasing to look at but requiring a bit of weathering to reveal the full lustre of its patina.

Circumcised Penises Preferred

Women say they prefer a man who's been clipped,
I shudder to think if the scalpel had slipped:
I could've been chaste, alone in the crowd--
Longingly, lovelessly underendowed!

...and Everything Nice

We would inhabit a kinder, gentler (and safer) world were there more women in positions of power. Most women are not inclined to settle disputes by punching each other in the nose.

I'd prefer a Commander-in-Chief who grew up playing with Barbie instead of G.I. Joe.

Women are socialized to believe that they are the superior sex, but to enable men to entertain a contrary delusion.

Better, Not Longer

The consequences of extending human longevity may be the gravest challenge of the new millennium.

I am more interested in life-enrichment than life-extension; we need more joie more than we need more vivre!

If I were King, the scientist who discovers the "immortality gene" would be condemned to live forever.

I will support any politician gutsy enough to levy a hefty Population Tax on every parent for each child.

We must slow the birth rate; alternatively, I suppose, we could accelerate the death rate.

Our instincts and our appetites will be the death of us.

When animals outgrow their food supply, we humanely cull the herd; when herds of people outgrow their food supply, we piously murmur "tsk tsk," divert our eyes, and let them starve (sometimes we elect to feed them for a while, enabling them to replenish their ranks and hasten the next famine).

I learned in an introductory college psychology course that rats subjected to overcrowding become cannibals; our arrogance blinds us to the analogy.

War is the smoking gun of failed leadership.

There may be just Causes; there are no just Wars.

War is often the culmination of false premises colliding with erroneous assumptions.

We will spend billions to beat them to their knees, then billions more to raise them up again.

Modern warfare is becoming so prohibitively expensive that soon no nation may be able to afford more than an occasional brief incursion; world leaders will then have to pick their wars more carefully. We can only hope!

According to the British Prime Minister, what distinguished us from them is that we killed innocents accidentally, they killed innocents deliberately; to the dead innocents, that was a distinction without a difference.

Until we get better at killing selectively, maybe we should stop killing.

Mr. Hyde, I presume?

As a youngster (I couldn't have been more than eight or nine), an older cousin and I lined a box with tin foil, leaving a small gap between the sides and the bottom, and wired it to an electric-train transformer. We then caught a frog and put it in the box. As long as the frog remained on the floor of the box, he was safe; if he tried to jump out, however, and his forelegs touched the sides, he completed the circuit and received a jarring jolt. (Within each of us, I fear, is a player called Hyde demanding his time on stage.)

In Search of Equanimity II

Your appreciation and enjoyment of what you have will be heightened if you can stop comparing it to what (you think) you are due.

When one becomes used to the best, anything less is a disappointment; when one is accustomed to the least, anything more is a joy.

Nothing--no thing--truly distinguishes any one of us from all the rest.

In Search of Equanimity

I strive to avoid becoming overwrought about the Inconsequential and the Inevitable.

I am sometimes thought to be indifferent or insensitive because I refuse to be sucked into orgies of angst over things I can do nothing about.

Remember in the Good Ol' Days how reporters stressed the enormity of the National Debt: ...that's Billions--with a "B"! Now it's Trillions--with a "T"! and our collective pulse barely quickens.

The answer to "Why me?" is "Why not?"

The Sporting Life

In the wake of accusations against the college lacrosse team, some pundits wondered whether aggressive sports might lead to aggressive behavior. You think?!

The new fight film was touted as "uplifting" and "inspirational." Attaining material success by unleashing and exploiting the Beast within is a Faustian bargain that should be portrayed as a cautionary tale: If your aptitude is shoveling shit, shovel shit; if your aptitude is beating up other people, shovel shit.

If I were King, the contact in Contact Sports would be limited to a handshake at the end of competition.

Fans claim that sports teach kids valuable lessons in life, then complain when the wealthier teams are able to buy better players. Such is life, kiddies!

Civil Disobedience

When peaceful protest fails to get our attention, violence should come as no surprise.

If an ordinance prohibiting commonly-practiced behavior is unenforced or unenforceable (anti-sodomy statutes, et al), it undermines the legal system by creating a society of scofflaws.

Rules firmly and consistenty enforced may incite rebellion; Rules not firmly and consistently enforced invite rebellion.

The U.S. is not a "melting pot"--nor, perhaps, should we seek to be; we are, rather, a goulash--each ingredient maintaining its distinctive character while contributing to, and enhancing, the whole.

Word Games

When someone prefaces his argument with "Look...," he usually hopes you won't.

What follows "Clearly,..." is often murky; what follows "Obviously,..." is often obscure.

Before retaliating with force, delay long enough to ask your antagonist, "What do you mean by that?"

Language-cop Citations

"Y'see what'm sayin'?"

It's rapport, not "repore"; various and sundry, not "various and asundry"; espouse, not "expouse"; tenet, not "tenent"; pundit, not "pundant"; salutary, not "salutory"; on tenterhooks, not "on tender hooks."

When the president requests that we "redouble our efforts," does he really want us to double our efforts, then redouble (quadruple) them?

The Criminal Law text advised that "...Capital Punishment increases the likelihood that the guilty defendent will go free." Hardly!--capital punishment increases the likelihood (to a certainty) that the guilty defendent will be DEAD-- though a potential death sentence could make a jury more reluctant to convict.

Shouldn't tampons come packaged with an inserter instead of an "applicator"?!

Profiling II

Protestors against police profiling might feel more righteous if cops conducted spot checks of blue-haired White grannies--but would they feel safer?

Fitting a valid profile does not, of course, mean that one is a terrorist (drug dealer, rapist, pedophile, serial killer, whatever); but it does, unquestionably, increase the likelihood--and that, identifying increased likelihoods, is what profiling is (supposed to be) all about.

If you are swarthy and Semitic-looking, pardon my political incorrectness, but step aside and empty your backpack!

Profiling

How come when profiling identifies certain White males as likely perpetrators, it's considered a useful law enforcement tool; but if a profile, however valid, identifies Blacks or Hispanics (or Arabs) as more likely offenders, it's branded "racial profiling" and called discriminatory?

To better secure public transportation, police planned random passenger searches--random to avoid accusations of racial or ethnic profiling. But if we are serious about security (and absent sufficient resources to search everyone), racial/ethnic profiling is precisely what we should, and must, be doing. To date, most terrorists have been, or looked like, Pakistanis or Saudis. Yes, I know that only a small percentage of Pakistanis and Saudis are terrorists; still, I am unaware of a single terror incident involving a blonde, blue-eyed Norwegian or Swedish suicide bomber. Innocents unfortunate enough to fit valid profiling criteria ought not be subjected to gratuitous harrassment, but they should anticipate, and accept, some occasional inconvenience. Police should employ the Willy Sutton principle: Go where the money is--search Achmed, skip Sven!

A pox on both their houses!

With Democrats now in control of Congress, Speaker Pelosi blamed President Bush for the economic collapse; when asked about financial miscues during the Clinton administration, which may have presaged the current crisis, she reminded the questioner that Republicans controlled the Congress at that time.

Journey's End

Some go gently into that Good Night,
While others rail against their plight;
Some bow their heads and praise the Sky,
Some contemplate and wonder Why;
Some curse their Fate, some let it be--
all lemmings rushing to the sea.
En route to the final Resting place,
Our one-way voyage proceeds apace;
And whether Death be foe or friend,
All just as dead at Journey's End!

An exemplary life can be diminished by an ignominious death.

We are here for but a moment; we are gone forever.

Post hoc ergo propter hoc (logical fallacy: After, therefore because of)

She was in a semi-conscious state. Doctors advised there was little chance of meaningful recovery. Her family and "120 congregations" prayed. After a few days, she began to awaken. A miracle?
Unexpected and unexplainable medical outcomes occur all the time; and numerous controlled scientific studies have demonstrated no benefit from intercessory prayer. This case, and others like it, prove only the limited abilities of physicians to accurately prognosticate (and the unlimited enthusiasm of believers to attribute supernatural intervention).

Sticktoitiveness

"Sometimes prayer is cumulative." So if your prayer isn't answered, keep at it--you simply haven't yet prayed hard enough or long enough to rouse your somnolent god.

Victims & Victimizers

The success of the huckster may be due in part to the appeal of his pitch, moreso to the susceptibility of his marks.

We are prone to believe what we want (and are preconditioned) to believe, no matter how far-fetched. The manipulators, exploiters, and deceivers know that.

Worse than the mindless minions who tag along with their eyes shut are the unprincipled partisans who blindly follow with their eyes wide open.

Take neediness, add naivete--you have a victim-in-waiting.

Crime and Punishment

The defendent was sentenced to death by hanging plus a $600 fine--what's his penalty for defaulting on the fine?!

He is suing the state for $22 million--a million for each year he was wrongly imprisoned on Death Row. Give it to him.

"...put up a parking lot"

When I was born, I was one of 130 million Americans; today, I am one of 300 million. My problem with many well-meaning environmentalists is that they focus too narrowly on a symptom, Global Warming, while ignoring our underlying terminal disease, Overpopulation.

If we reduce per capita production of greenhouse gases by half, while watching the population double, what will have been accomplished?

Our precious Earth is not an inexhaustible cornucopia or a bottomless septic tank!

Sometimes there are no third choices: We can continue to "pave Paradise" and bitch about it, or we can curb our egoistic compulsion to replicate ourselves.

The New Math

The rabbi justified his fourteen (!) children by pointing out that the Kabbala views one's offspring as a single unit, ONE family (14 = 1). His one family will occupy 14 parcels of finite space (once it's gone, there will be no more), will consume 14 portions of limited (and ever-dwindling) natural resources, and will produce 14 quantities of mounting noxious waste (hold your nose!) Ignorance comes in many flavors--all of them poisonous.

The waters are not "shark-infested," they are shark-inhabited; the waters (and much of the rest of the planet) are people-infested!

Verities

"Promise Keepers" apologist, justifying gender exclusivity: "Men are different than women"!

PBS is so educational: "Beethoven's works can be studied in three periods--early, middle, and late"!

Conservative commentator Brent Bozell on pornography: "Temptation is temptation, and we can't pretend that isn't tempting"?

Risky Forecast: "Temperatures will be increasing in some parts of the country and decreasing in others"!

Tom Brokaw, recalling the nuptials of of Prince Charles and Lady Di: "The wedding wouldn't have been the same without her"!

Buried on page C3 of my newspaper today was a notice that City Council has authorized expenditure of $50,000 for a "life-size" statue of local boxer Levander Johnson, killed in the ring at age 35. I'm guessing the fighter will be depicted in his prime, not as he appeared in some ICU, with wires and tubes dangling from every orifice, before his untimely (and unnecessary) death. Professional combat "sports" are atavistic expressions of man's primal bloodlust, our basest instincts. We want a knockout--I'm sure fans were screaming for more as Johnson sank to the mat for the final count. Shame on us that the surest way for many of our disadvantaged youths to "make it" in America is by beating up other disadvantaged youths for our viewing pleasure. And shame on City Council for memorializing and glorifying such brutality. If Council really wants to pay tribute, I suggest they use the $50,000 to create a Levander Johnson Scholarship Fund; perhaps by doing so they could save another young man from a similar fate.

In the wake of 9/11, Afghanistan, Iraq, Katrina, and now the economic meltdown, do you suppose George Bush still believes his presidency has been divinely inspired?

I, American III

Americans are preoccupied with form over function, style over substance.

If consumers didn't consume crap, producers wouldn't produce crap.

Americans are drowning in a sea of junk.

The "original maverick" has become a confused, mean-spirited old man--a shameless panderer desperate to win--and that makes him dangerous to the nation's health.

Astonishingly (depressingly), the majority of Americans--not five-year-olds but adult Americans--say they believe that a guardian angel protects them from harm! (To better appreciate the irrationality, for "guardian angel" substitute "fairy" or "leprechaun"!)

Over the last eight years, the Democrats generally had the better ideas, but too often lacked the gumption and grit to actually get things done.

I, American II

Most over-worked word in the American lexicon: Hero.

We are losing our ability to distinguish heroism from celebrity.

One of the less endearing aspects of American societal character is our adulation of Celebrity.

Pakistan ia a nuclear power--and a U.S. ally. Now the Pakistani military is under orders to fire on American forces if we launch another unauthorized incursion across their border. Even our "friends," it seems, don't like us much anymore. Maybe we need to be more likeable.

We are witnessing the apocalyptic economic consequences of unfettered free-market capitalism. "Caveat emptor" does not adequately safeguard the citizenry against greedy, unscrupulous, and/or incompetent profiteers. Even staunch deregulators like George Bush and John McCain are reluctantly beginning to recognize that only government, imperfect as it may be, can delineate and enforce the implied social contract between buyers and sellers.

I, American

Amid revelations of U.S. military atrocities, some wondered why not "let dead dogs lie." Because we're supposed to be the Good Guys, that's why!

Do foreigners resent Americans because we're better off than they; or because, being better off than they, we think we're better than they?

The Dumbing-down of America

The "good" news is that 33% of American 4th-graders and 8th-graders are now performing at grade level (up from 25%); the BAD news is that 67% still are not! Are testing standards really that unrealistic, or are our kids really that dumb, or is our educational "system" really that broken?!

If all parents were able to send their kids to the best school in town, wouldn't we wind up with one school per town?!

Memories

I recall a time when moms stayed home to rear their kids; when neighbors didn't bother locking their doors; when schools and airports didn't have metal detectors and store windows didn't have bars; when we weren't afraid to walk the streets at night; when psychotics were safeguarded in institutions; when graduating high school seniors could read; when we fearlessly ate whatever tasted good; when victims were victims, perpetrators were perpetrators, and everyone knew the difference; when queer meant odd and gay meant festive; when teen pregnancy was an embarrassment; when sex wouldn't kill you; when married couples on TV always wore pajamas and slept in twin beds; when the most shocking language in a movie was "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!"

What a difference a day makes

Yesterday, John McCain reiterated (see TELLTALE DROPPINGS, 8/29) that the fundamentals of our economy are strong. By this morning, he had had an epiphany, regrouped, and admitted the financial "crisis"-- but assured us: "I know how to fix it." No you don't, Senator--and you are making yourself ridiculous.

I have a dream...

President Obama Halts Hostilities in Iraq
Troops Heading Home

"...born with a silver foot in his mouth"

If one is facile with language, I've noticed, people tend automatically to assume one must be smart.

With a constricted vocabulary, one's thoughts, like one's speech, must lack richness, texture, nuance.

A silver tongue can take one farther than a silver spoon.

The capacity to excel is not contingent upon the complexity of the task.

Language-cop Citations

Unless you're from Gay Paree, "homage" is pronounced AH-mij (or HAH-mij), not oh-MAHJ!



It's nuclear, not "nucular"; jewelry, not "jewlery"; realtor, not "realator"; asterisk, not "asterick"; nuptials, not "nuptuals"; corroborate, not "cooberate."



Your residence is your premises, not your "premise"; the lawyer's juror challenge was peremptory, not "preemptory"; tragedies are heart-rending, not "heart-rendering"; storms wreak, they do not "wreck," havoc.


Unless he was buried alive, he was likely interred, not "interned"; on the other hand, if he was a prisoner who survived confinement, he was interned, not "interred"; on the other hand, if he died in prison, he was interned, then interred!

Imagine!

In his song "Imagine," John Lennon envisioned a halcyon world devoid of borders and gods ("nothing to kill or die for"). But theism and nationalism (and racism and all the other isms) are more often excuses than explanations for human bloodlust. We kill because we enjoy killing. A propensity to kill ("fight or flight") is deeply embedded in our genes, accompanied by a hormonally-mediated "high." On at least an elemental level, killing feels good! Absent a greater reliance on Reason to subdue our passions, we will likely continue to find or invent "reasons" to kill each other.

"Fight or flight" prepares us not for a gentlemanly bout of fisticuffs but to rip each other's throats out!

Confucius say:

Those who would accept Big Government as Problem Solver must be prepared also to accept half-assed Solutions.

Asked about her foreign policy credentials, a wide-eyed Sarah Palin replied that one can actually see Russia from Alaska. Golly gee!

When Sarah Palin derides the Entrenched Washington Establishment, is she referring to Joe Biden? Or John McCain?!

Where is Osama bin Laden?

It would be humbling being outmanned or outgunned; it's humiliating being outwitted.

Life imitating Art

Horror is heightened by intentionality.

Norman Rockwell has been superseded by Edvard Munch.

The horror is not so much in the evil, itself, as in the collective madness and stupidity that enable and foster evil--again and again and again.

Gloating in Chappaqua?

While Barack Obama is forced into a rope-a-dope against Sarah Palin, where the hell is Hillary Clinton??!!!

The Day the Earth Stood Still

From Klamath Falls to Concord, a hush descended on Main Street.

Election Reflection

OK, under intense public pressure, Governor Palin opposed the "bridge to nowhere"-- after she had previously endorsed it; still, she kept the pork (as best I can determine, somewhere between $250 million and $450 million). That's a lot of mooseburgers! Some of that money was mine; I was swindled, as surely as if she had personally picked my pocket--and I want it back!

Any candidate who proposes to pay for all his/her pie-in-the-sky promises by eliminating governmental waste, fraud, and abuse is lying through his/her teeth!

Warrior Nation

The air show will spotlight some of America's most lethal and beloved killing machines.

War is the ultimate immorality, America its most skilled practitioner.

The hallmark of "advanced" nations is that they can afford to conceal their barbarism under a thin veneer of gentility.

What does it say about our national character that our speech is so heavily laden with bellicose martial metaphors: War on Drugs, War on Crime, War on Poverty, War on Illiteracy--do you suppose such colloquialisms are as commonplace in Luxembourg or Lichtenstein?

Another must-read before November 4

"THE LIMITS OF POWER: The End of American Exceptionalism" is a sobering reality check by Andrew Bacevich, a self-described Conservative and former career military officer, now professor of history and international relations at Boston U. The author exposes extravagant ineptitude, breathtakingly sweeping in scope--and potential consequences almost too dire to contemplate. Only halfway through this little gem, I had already concluded that this guy, unlike our lame political leaders, really gets it!

Nukes

Possession of nuclear weapons may not be the decisive factor in every international dispute, but it does gain one a seat at the table.

We keep expanding our own deadly arsenal while using our military superiority to prevent other nations from doing likewise.

Who appointed us World Disciplinarians?

Barack Obama, critiquing McCain/Palin propoganda: "Americans aren't stupid!" If only it were so, Senator.

I find it shocking that so many White women apparently value a vagina as the prime virtue of a political candidate.

Ladies, what new or different, besides her genitalia, did Sarah Palin add to the Republican ticket that made you all suddenly switch from Obama to McCain?

"Mission Accomplished"?

Remember when the president announced that the U.S. would accept nothing less than "complete victory"? What would complete victory look like in a fractious Islamic theocracy?

The concensus of the sixteen U.S. spy agencies, that Bush's War on Terrorism has made us less safe, was deeply disturbing--nearly as disturbing as the fact that this country has sixteen spy agencies!

A Jordanian journalist was arrested for "insulting religion." America's manifold faults notwithstanding, I am grateful to live in a country where insulting religion is not (yet) a crime.

Good News/Bad News

This president wanted to outsource management of several major U.S. seaports--to an Arab company. A joke, right? An internet hoax? Is the "world's only remaining Superpower" now incapable even of managing its own ports? We are becoming a pure and voracious consumer nation, reliant on others for the production, supply, and servicing necessary to appease our gluttony.

The Bad News is that undocumented workers may drive down American wages; the Good News is that declining American wages may make the U.S. more competitive in the global marketplace.

Election Reflection

Possums and politicians are most dangerous when cornered.

I wish politics were more like the high jump and less like the limbo.

I will vote for the candidate I consider likely to cause the least mischief.

Lobbyist Jack Abramoff will be going to jail for his role in buying political influence. But what about all those corrupt politicians who sold him their influence?

Ask not?

JFK notwithstanding, I do want to know what my country can do for me. A democratic nation exists to serve and protect its citizens.

A Penny Saved

As I understand U.S. fiscal policy, we spend more than we earn, then borrow from China and Japan so we can lend money we don't have to countries we know will never be able to pay us back.

An apologist for the improvident Welfare recipients argued that "in a democracy," people should be able to spend their money however they choose. Of course they should--but it wasn't their money they squandered, it was mine!

A compassionate society should provide subsistence for all--no one should starve for lack of food or freeze for lack of shelter--but need not feel obliged to ensure every citizen's comfort and convenience.

John McCain rails against Washington Insiders, even while touting his own extensive experience--as a Washington Insider. Does Mr. McCain assume that we're stupid, or just that we're not listening?

"I will...I will...I will..." I might feel better about John McCain if once in a while he could suppress his ego and promise, instead, "I will try..."

Here's the knockout punch for Joe Biden in his debate with Sarah Palin: "I know Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton is a friend of mine. And you, Governor, are no Hillary Clinton."

If this ain't war, it'll do till the real thing comes along!

President Bush declared that democracies don't make war. Wake up, Mr. Bush--this is the U.S. of A., the oldest and largest democracy in the world--and the most war-prone nation on the planet.

More worrisome than an indecisive leader is a decisive leader who lacks the analytic capacity to appreciate the likely ramifications of his decisions.

Pogo said it best...

An American official, with a straight face, announced: "We are dealing with people who are perfectly willing to lie to the world to further their own causes." (We have met the Enemy and it is us.)

If I hear one more time during this campaign season that this speaker or that speaker "hit it out of the park," I am going to puke!

Even in perilous times, our national Political Conventions display all the gravitas of a high school Pep Rally.

DIPLOMACY: The Craft of Artful Ambiguity

Even as the U.S. protested that North Korea's actions were unacceptable, we undermined our credibility by continuing to accept their actions.

In a triumph of "Gotcha!" diplomacy, the U.S. warned Iran that our offer to negotiate was non-negotiable.

American diplomacy often sounds like Huffery and Puffery conceived by the Mad Hatter!

Keep talking!

We teach our children that it's better to talk one's way out of a tough spot than to resort to violence and risk a black eye. So what does our government do when confronted with an international adversary? It severs diplomatic ties and cuts off all channels of meaningful communication.

It doesn't take a strong leader to enforce his policies by unleashing the most powerful military in the world; it takes a strong leader to exercise restraint.

Rites of Passage

Hunters insist it's not the killing they enjoy but the challenge of the chase. Baloney! What's the challenge in slaughtering a distant animal with a high-powered rifle and magnifying scope? If hunters really sought to test their tracking skills, they'd use a Nikon instead of a Winchester.

Most predators kill only when hungry; trouble is, Man is always hungry!

"Hunting teaches boys valuable lessons." Any that couldn't be learned from less lethal forms of recreation?

Our sons deserve rites of passage that are life-affirming.

Mysterious Ways

Hmmm. On Day 1 of the Republican convention, first it was Hurricane Gustav, then Hurricane Bristol (Palin). Providential?!

If god didn't intend teens to have babies, how come he designed potent teenage boys and fertile teenage girls--and raging hormones to ensure that ever the twain shall meet?!

Joe Biden commutes daily from D.C. to his home in Wilmington. How's that for Family Values?!

Second Amendment "Jeopardy!"

Answer: One.

Question: What is the number of guns reasonably required for "self defense"?

As a boy, I went target shooting with an older friend who owned a .22 rilfle. We went to the town dump to plink cans and bottles. I shot at a bird perched on a limb. The bird dropped, mechanically, like one of those two-dimensional bears in an old-timey carnival arcade. I experienced a momentary rush, until I approached the lifeless creature and witnessed the ugly, bloody finality of my senseless act.

Watch your language!

Language liberates and confines, illuminates and blinds; language giveth and language taketh away.

Language is a blessing and a curse: it can be used to clarify or distort, to elucidate or obscure, to enlighten or deceive, to inform or inflame.

Language is Jacob's ladder, the magic beanstalk; language is the delimiting vessel of a bonsai tree, the whalebone stays of a Victorian corset.

Navigate carefully and language is your path to the heavens; misstep and it's a minefield that will blow your starship to smithereens.

Did you notice how public rancor was pacified when illegal aliens became "undocumented immigrants"?

Language-cop Citations

Sportscaster, commenting on the mood of the crowd after the Indianapolis 500 was postponed because of rain: "These fans are used to it-- even though it's only happened four times in the last eighty-two years"!

There is irrespective and there is regardless; there is NO "irregardless"!

"Hopefully, the sun will shine later today." The sun is not hopeful. In fact, Ol' Sol is completely indifferent to your climate.

"I could care less" usually means "I couldn't care less"; "I can't hardly believe it" usually means "I can hardly believe it."

What makes "colored person" an epithet, while "person of color" is perfectly acceptable?

The life expectancy of the average American male is 74.6; on his inauguration day, John McCain would be 72.3. McCain supporters should ask themselves, "How comfortable am I with the thought of President Sarah Palin?"

If true that John McCain had met Sarah Palin only twice, and that he barely knew her, that would mean his choice was calculating--and it was reckless!

The best I can say for John McCain's V.P. pick is that it caught all the pundits flat-footed!

Memo to Prospective Candidates:

You have done something immoral, illegal, embarrassing, or just plain stupid. It will be found out. If you want your dirty little secret to remain under wraps, don't run!

Workers' Wages are falling. So is the Stock Market. Prices are rising. So is Unemployment. So is Poverty. Millions of Americans are losing their Homes. Major Financial Institutions are failing. Our Manufacturing Sector is disappearing. Our Trade Imbalance worsens every year. So does the National Debt. Which "fundamentals of our Economy remain strong," Mr. McCain?

Is John McCain's running mate the best person to succeed him as Commander-in-Chief, President of the United States, and Leader of the Free World; or was his choice an act of desperation aimed at wooing some disaffected Hillary loyalists? Color me Cynical!

Civics Lesson 2

Politics has become so tainted that inexperience is now a virtue.

Most politicians are deterred from perfidy not by their uprightness but by fear of exposure.

Civics Lesson

We know only what our leaders want us to know. We see only what they choose to reveal.

We suffer a surfeit of leaders and a scarcity of leadership.

Hillary Clinton gave a terrific speech in Denver; also, typically Clintonian--more about her than about Obama (with a little minor tweaking, it could have been her own thwarted Acceptance).

Freedom of the Press

I don't appreciate newspaper editorials actively endorsing specific political candidates. The vitality of our democracy depends on a free and objective Press--one that reports but does not attempt to shape the news, that informs but does not try to unduly influence the electorate.

I have in mind a political slogan (suitable for bumper stickers) that concisely describes my ideal: "Caring, Competent, Incorruptible." I offer it, free, to any candidate who personifies its pledge.

Poli Sci 101

"Democracy" means that the bandits are elected rather than appointed.

When a politician says, "It's that simple," it never is. But he may be.

Congress should begin each legislative session not with a prayer but with a Ritalin!

Torquemada is alive and well and living in Washington, D.C.

I find it remarkable that we Americans have actually been engaged in a serious national conversation about the pros and cons of torturing political prisoners.

The debate over the use of torture as an interrogation tool ought not focus on the rights of enemy combatants but on the extent of our own civility.

America's laws apply to Americans; America's humanity should apply to all.

Of the People, by the People

The cornerstone of a successful, stable democracy is an informed, energized, involved electorate.

In Athenian democracy, political questions were resolved by popular vote--every issue was settled by referendum. I am thankful for our republican system--I do not want an electorate who call the Psychic Hotline or Dial-a-Prayer making decisions for me.

America has become a nation of two-year-olds: we want it--we want it all--we want it NOW!

With all our toys, how come we still aren't having fun?

I, patriot

Some may consider me unpatriotic because I contend that America's bounty is not a gift from god but a purchase made with the blood and sweat of Americans.

I support our troops but not this war; I respect the presidency but not this president.

It is not patriotic to rally 'round the Flag when we're wrong.

I am glad Barack Obama picked Joe Biden as his V.P. Now I'm hoping he'll choose Sam Nunn for Secretary of State and Hillary Clinton for Ambassador to East Timor.

The definition of "marriage" should be determined by the lexicographers and the lawmakers, not by the clerics--and certainly not by the presidential candidates!

Most (Un)Wanted

High on my list of Most Dangerous Politicians, just behind Dick Cheney and George W. Bush, is "Independent Democrat" Joe Lieberman of Connecticut. Lieberman seems to me, first and foremost, a Zionist, who would not hesitate to embroil the U.S. in another Middle East military misadventure if he thought it would further the interests of Israel. What do the good citizens of Connecticut see in Senator Joe that I don't? Could it be that the orthodox Jew is bringing home the bacon?

Before entering the voting booth this November, I urge everyone to read "The Dark Side" by Jane Mayer, a chilling account of how America lost its way--and its soul--under Bush/Cheney following 9/11.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

America truly is the Land of Opportunity, a place where a kid of limited vision and modest ability can grow up to become President of the United States--as long as he's born into a wealthy and well-connected White Christian family.

David Letterman spoofs "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches," spotlighting George Bush's stultifying linguistic gaffes--not an occasional Late Show feature, but nightly--and never runs out of fresh grist for the mill!

Voters insist they disapprove of negative political ads--but respond like Pavlov's dogs!

Hail to the Chief!

I am a product of Watergate, Irangate, the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution, Monica Lewinsky and Gennifer Flowers, Iraqi Weapons of Mass Destruction--I would have to be naive or stupid to accept at face value the pronouncements of any president or his minions.

Absent independent validation, I believe nothing this president tells me; that's the same level of trust I accorded his predecessor and will accord his successor.

If you can't measure it, weigh it, count it, or time it, it doesn't belong in the Olympics!

Off with their heads!

The Constitution should be amended to provide an alternative to impeachment, for offenses other than High Crimes and Misdemeanors--offenses like Stupidity and Incompetence. An electorate who can recognize and admit their mistakes deserve a remedy.

The Ship of State is steered by scoundrels, scalawags, and nincompoops!

I was dumbfounded by Henry Kissinger's arrogant assertion/admission that he never had second thoughts about any major policy desision. god bless America--and protect us from decision-makers who never have second thoughts.

Chimera

I stand by my assertion that Big Government can do nothing well--it is, by its nature, too bloated, too inefficient, too corrupt. That's not to say that government should do nothing.

In the sense of "conservative" as cautious, I am a Conservative; in the sense of "liberal" as unconstrained by orthodoxy, I am a Liberal--I consider myself a political Independent with conflicting Socialist and Libertarian leanings!

Just Words

Words are magical. Words can incite a war, seduce a lover, soothe an anxious child, salve or abrade a wound, inspire or extinguish a spirit.

Sticks and stones can break your bones; words can destroy your soul.

Words (and gods) are powerless without the power we bestow upon them.

Language-cop Citations

TV Commercial: "You should read Sailing News too." In addition to Soap Opera Digest?--or, like all my fellow intrepid yachtsmen?

Police spokesman: "We want deadly force to be the last thing we use." Deadly force is always the last thing police use!

The catalogue offers five grades of pillows: Good, Better, Best, Supreme, and Ultimate. Best is good, better than Good--even better than Better; but Best isn't best--Supreme and Ultimate are both better than Best!

The NASA official described the enthusiastic efforts of the Mars-mission scientists as "eagerly beavering"!

The mayor responded to criticism of the slow pace in solving a recent crime: "No investigation goes without some pimples bursting occasionally"!

The private gumshoe said he was hired to "documentate" whether the philandering husband was engaged in a "rendezvoutation"!

Affirmative Corruption

Even in a town where crooked politicians have long dominated the municipal landscape, this guy deserves a Brass Balls Award: Alleging dirty politics (!?), he sued his own city for job discrimination. Then he ran for, and was elected, mayor. Shortly after taking office, his suit was "settled," and he received nearly a half-million dollars; he, himself, signed the order. A judge later vacated the arrangement because of obvious deal-killing conflicts of interest, and mandated repayment of the entire amount. But (Hold onto your hat!), the mayor claimed the money was gone--all spent (add "improvident" to his other less-endearing qualities!) He is now again running for mayor, and is again being enthusiastically supported within the (majority) Black community. To his constituents, I believe, the candidate, as one of their own, deserves his dubious status in the pantheon of corrupt power brokers that was formerly the exclusive domain of self-aggrandizing White politicians! A certain poetic justice, don't you think?

I favor a helping hand for individuals who have been, and are, disadvantaged. I oppose favoritism for groups based on ethnic characteristics or the hardships, however real, endured by their great-grandparents.

Self-help for Groupies

I find it odd that people flock to groups that preach self-help.

How come people pay big bucks to attend motivational seminars, only to be told that motivation must come from within?

Triumphant underdogs epitomize Olympics ideal!

In an "epic upset," the lowest-ranked Latvian beach volleyball duo drubbed the top-ranked Americans. A Rocky Balboa moment!

Let's stop tracking national Olympics medal counts; athletes should be honored individually for winning, countries should be recognized collectively for participating.

Mending Fences

George Bush--no, a top-level envoy who is smarter and more articulate than George Bush--should be on his way to Moscow now!

HAPPY SELF-ESTEEM DAY!

I know it's hard to believe, but take it from me (and Copernicus)--you are not the Center of the Universe.

Convince a loser that he's really a winner, and you'll wind up with a sore loser.

If you find yourself running in place, perhaps you should consider dropping out of the race.

Better to have low self-esteem and be able to stand in the shallow end of the pool than to have exaggerated self-esteem and be over your head in the deep end.

Look in the mirror; if you don't retch, your self-esteem is adequate--find another reason fror your misery.

Don't like yourself? Well, I don't much care for you either!

And speaking of exaggerated self-esteem...

When George W. lectured China about human rights abuses and chastened Russia for its preemptive attack on sovereign Georgia, the irony completely eluded him (but did not go unnoticed by the Chinese and Russians).

When President Bush observed that the invasion of Georgia had "substantially damaged Russia's standing in the world," he spoke as the voice of experience.

John McCain's belligerent initial response to the volatile Russia-Georgia crisis should cause serious concern that a President McCain would perpetuate the Bush modus operandi of reflexively reacting to every perceived threat with bellicose bluster and bravado.

Countdown to Self-esteem Day (1)

Low self-worth and high self-esteem are a volatile cocktail!

High self-esteem is not a birthright--it is accomplished by accomplishment.

Dont't wait for things to get better--don't expect a "Eureka!" moment; work, instead, on improving your skills--watch your self-esteem soar!

Determination trumps Inspiration.

Develop a firm handshake and a steady gaze.

Take ability, add passion; you have the ingredients for greatness.

Countdown to Self-esteem Day (2)

Your potential may be untapped, but it is not unlimited.

You will never actualize your potential unless you are prepared to step outside your Comfort Zone.

Practice does not make perfect, but it will get you closer.

To not fail, one need only not try.

Don't tell me you've never failed; tell me how many times you've succeeded.

If it's important to you, go ahead and take credit for your successes--but only if you're prepared to accept blame for your failures.

Countdown to Self-esteem Day (3)

Teachers opposed the new, more stringent, academic standards because some students who try hard still can't make the grade. Who do they think will be better served by pretending that the non-achievers succeed?

Fourteen valedictorians in one class, all with straight-A averages--boy, they must have a bunch of really smart kids in that school! Or is grade escalation simply another example of misguided feelgoodism?

"Excellence" is diminished when everyone excels.

We don't encourage excellence by rewarding mediocrity.

Modest rewards are just compensation for modest accomplishments.

When one receives only symbols as reward, one is likely to extend only a symbolic effort.

Countdown to Self-esteem Day (4)

The father of the retarded boy said, "There are no limits to what he can do." Such self-deception may console the parent, but denial of the son's limitations must exacerbate the frustration of failure.

To avoid disappointment, learn your limitations.

A negative outcome does not necessarily imply negligence or sloth. Being more diligent and trying harder does not ensure a favorable result. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we fail.

Slow-but-steady wins the race only when Swift stumbles.

Effective motivation instills a positive attitude while exorcising wishful thinking.

In the real world, proficiency matters more than sincerity; if your best isn't good enough, try something else.

Countdown to Self-esteem Day (5)

"Low self-esteem" is more often an excuse than an explanation.

Reach beyond your grasp and you will come up empty-handed.

Nothing inherently wrong with being a bonsai; problems arise when the bonsai fancies itself an oak but can provide no shade.

The secret to happiness is aligning one's ambitions and expectations with one's abilities and accomplishments.

One's most valuable tool, and that most difficult to come by, is an accurate self-assessment.

Conducting a thorough self-assessment is like trying to scrub one's own back--some dirty spots always remain unreachable.

Pap and Pipedreams

Following a rash of violent juvenile crime, a cadre of multidisciplinary experts instructed us where to lay blame. But I heard no one even consider possible untoward consequences of some self-esteem propoganda: "You can be anything you want." (No, you can't!) "You can have it all." (No, you can't!) Perhaps it should come as no surprise when our kids become frustrated and angry, and lash out at a society that feeds them a diet of pap and pipedreams.

Sorry, kids, but you can't "have it all." With a bit of luck, you can have some of it, but you'll have to work long and hard to get it!

A society that fosters unrealistic expectations and baseless feelings of entitlement foments (future) civil unrest.

Blackboard Jungle

We are a violent society. We produce violent children. What's the question?

There are no "adult crimes"--there are only adult (or juvenile) criminals.

It was simpler dealing with Juvenile Delinquents before they became Special Needs Students.

The newspaper article questioned why students who attack teachers are not being placed in "alternative" schools; I questioned why students who attack teachers are not being put in jail.

Kids learn enough about self-expression, not nearly enough about self-restraint.

Capital Idea

Our enlightened judiciary declared it illegal to execute juvenile offenders but offered no guidance regarding what constitutes a "juvenile." We now need a Juvenility Index to determine which criminals lack sufficient maturity and judgment to qualify for death. A few simple Yes/No questions should suffice; for example, "Do you talk to angels or dead people, or believe that others can?" A "Yes" clearly indicates that one is too juvenile (at any age) for capital punishment.

"Uncle!"

It is unrealistic to expect U.S. entrepreneurs to forgo the greater profits they can realize by producing their goods abroad at lower cost, just as it is unreasonable to expect U.S. consumers to "Buy American!" when they can purchase an imported product of equal or greater quality at a lower price.

I remember the shoddy manufacture of made-in-America automobiles before the Japanese made substantive inroads into Detroit's market share and roused the Big 3 from their incestuous communal slumber.

Okay, I capitulate. I'm persuaded by the passion, if not the rationale, to "Buy American!"--so should I purchase the Japanese model that's assembled by American workers at a plant in Tennessee, or the American brand that's assembled by Mexican laborers at a factory in Tijuana?

Sheep in wolves' clothing: free-market capitalists whining that they need government subsidies to be competitive.

Liars and Cheaters and Thieves (Oh my!)

The most-corrupt political Party is whichever is currently in power.

Get ready to rrrrumble!

"Buy American!"? Capitalism is a bloodsport--Adam Smith's "invisible hand" is a brass-knuckled fist--only the fittest survive; the wayside of corporate history is littered with the rotting husks of companies that could not endure without special preferences or protections. Let the Games begin!

Absent a dramatic improvement in Third-World standards of living, it seems evident to this non-economist that America can regain its competitiveness in the global marketplace only by reducing the costs of domestic labor or by achieving and maintaining significant advantages in efficiency/productivity and/or quality.

The bumper sticker read: "Proud to be UNION." Is the driver proud that union demands for unrealistic and unsustainable wages and benefits have resulted in erosion of the U.S. manufacturing base and a mass exodus of American jobs?

Corrosive Virtues: Forgive and Forget

Forgiveness is over-rated.

Forgive, if you like; forget at your peril.

When you acknowledge my faults, you accept me as I am; if you forgive my faults, you accept me as you wish I were.

I don't seek your forgiveness; I seek your forbearance.

Election Reflection

They've been spouting platitudes on the campaign trail for more than a year and a half, yet not a single candidate from either side has even mentioned the challenge of population growth. Are they all too ignorant or all too timid?

Myopia is not a credible excuse for ignorance when the answers lie right beyond one's nose.

I have long posited that the most-essential qualities of an excellent physician are to know what one doesn't know, and where to go for help; the same might be said of presidential candidates.

The most desirable experience for a politician is experience in some field other than politics!

Corrosive Virtues: She loves me, she loves me not...

My dogs love me unconditionally--I expect my friends to be more discriminating.

I will love you always--or for as long as you give me insufficient reason not to.

Do you suppose Charles Manson's mother loves him? Why should she? How could she?

If one wants to be loved, it is helpful if one is lovable.

You must earn my love, and I yours. Today, tomorrow, forever. To bestow love unconditionally is to trivialize it.

I don't love gays. And I don't love straights. I don't love Blacks. I don't love Whites, either. I don't love Christians, Muslims, or Jews. When it comes to loving, I'm a firm believer in meritocracy.

Corrosive Virtues: Judge not!

To ensure future generations of schizophrenics, teach the kiddies Right from Wrong but not to be judgmental.

The mother of the suicide bomber proudly proclaimed that her son was heaven-bound, where he would enjoy the services of 72 virgin brides. And all he had to do to win the favor of his god was blow up a dozen or so innocent passersby. Multiculturalists preach toleration and nonjudgmental acceptance of alternate views and beliefs. I say we should be more judgmental and less tolerant of the atavistic fantasies and incendiary rantings of deranged fanatics of any ilk. Dangerous lunatics should be quarantined--ostracized and isolated from the human community.

And the winner is...

This year's Grumpy Old Man Award goes to Senator John McCain, whose promise of a "respectful" campaign burst like a pinata with his flurry of vacuous TV attack ads.

Possums and politicians are most dangerous when cornered.

Corrosive Virtues: Dreamland

Dreaming is to doing as "What might have been" is to "What is."

One is limited not by one's dreams but by one's abilities.

Motivational speaker: "People don't dream anymore." Maybe they're preoccupied with their nightmares.

Go ahead, pursue your dreams--but be sure to set the Snooze Alarm!