"You're going to 'pat' me WHERE?!"

A passenger whose sensibilities might be offended by a whole-body scan will be able to opt, instead, for a "pat-down." OK by me, as long as the screeners are required to manually inspect the passenger's genitalia and thoroughly explore his/her body cavities.

Do No Harm

The prime directive of the physician should be to alleviate suffering, not (necessarily) to employ every nostrum and device at his disposal to delay the Grim Reaper and prolong a bitter end.

Profiling Revisited

In the wake of the recent terrorist attempt...

Telltale Droppings

Friday, September 26, 2008
Profiling

How come when profiling identifies certain White males as likely perpetrators, it's considered a useful law enforcement tool; but if a profile, however valid, identifies Blacks or Hispanics (or Arabs) as more likely offenders, it's branded "racial profiling" and called discriminatory?

To better secure public transportation, police planned random passenger searches--random to avoid accusations of racial or ethnic profiling. But if we are serious about security (and absent sufficient resources to search everyone), racial/ethnic profiling is precisely what we should, and must, be doing. To date, most terrorists have been, or looked like, Pakistanis or Saudis. Yes, I know that only a small percentage of Pakistanis and Saudis are terrorists; still, I am unaware of a single terror incident involving a blonde, blue-eyed Norwegian or Swedish suicide bomber. Innocents unfortunate enough to fit valid profiling criteria ought not be subjected to gratuitous harrassment, but they should anticipate, and accept, some occasional inconvenience. Police should employ the Willy Sutton principle: Go where the money is--search Achmed, skip Sven!

Saturday, September 27, 2008
Profiling II

Protestors against police profiling might feel more righteous if cops conducted spot checks of blue-haired White grannies--but would they feel safer?

Fitting a valid profile does not, of course, mean that one is a terrorist (drug dealer, rapist, pedophile, serial killer, whatever); but it does, unquestionably, increase the likelihood--and that, identifying increased likelihoods, is what profiling is (supposed to be) all about.

If you are swarthy and Semitic-looking, pardon my political incorrectness, but step aside and empty your backpack!

Sausage-making

The heath care-reform debacle is exposing the ugly underbelly of American politics and the vulnerability of our republic, for all the world to see.

Joe Lieberman, King Maker

Finally, a worthy successor to Tom Delay as Most Dangerous Politician in America!

Debtor Nation

When the U.S. pledges a billion dollars to help protect the rain forests, don't we first have to ask whether China will lend it to us?

Sportin' Life knew...

President Obama's legislative philosophy seems to be that any bill is better than no bill. "It ain't necessarily so." As I understand the compromise health care reforms that the president now supports, they would increase benefits and numbers of insureds without mandating meaningful controls on prices and volume of services--a blank check for providers and insurers, and a surefire formula for financial disaster.

Longer, Fewer

Increases in longevity must be commensurate with reductions in fecundity.

On the Evils of Socialism

From: F.
Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 8:05 AM
Subject: wow OOOOOOOOooooooops - she let it slip !!

[Video catches Representative Maxine Waters' blooper--uttering the dreaded "S" word]


To: F.
Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 9:43:26 AM

Scary indeed! Wake up, America!--unless we remain ever-vigilant, we could become like all those socialistic Scandanavian countries whose citizenry are safer, better educated, healthier, happier, and longer-lived than we.


From: F.
Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 8:53 AM

I don't know about the Scandanavians, but I have several friends from the UK who will argue that they are not safer, healthier and happier with their forms of socialism.


To: F.
Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 10:11 AM

I suggest your "several friends in the UK" take more time to smell their socialist roses instead of idealizing the American Dream/Delusion. FYI (and theirs), a few minutes on the Internet produced the following:
US ranks 24th internationally in murder rate, UK 46th.
The incarceration rate in the US is 737 per 100,000 residents; in the UK, 139 (in 2008, the US accounted for 5% of the world's population and 25% of the world's imprisoned population).
US ranks 13th for overall Happiness, UK 9th.
US ranks 38th for life expectancy, UK 22nd.
US teen (ages 15-19) pregnancy rate = 52/1000 (#1 internationally) vs UK = 30/1000.
In reading proficiency (of 31 countries rated), US students = 15th, UK = 7th; in math, US = 19th, UK = 8th; in science, US = 14th, UK = 4th.
Looks to me like the Brits may, indeed, be "safer, healthier and happier" (and smarter!) "with their forms of socialism."
Always a pleasure e-chatting with you.

Right Isn't Always Wrong

It pains me to agree with John McCain, but I do share his view that President Obama's public revelation of a finite timetable for withdrawal from Afghanistan was "unnecessary," perhaps ill-advised--a politically-expedient bone for doves but unsound military strategy.

Wet Nurse

The U.S. can no longer be hind tit for every deprived, dependent, dysfunctional, or underdeveloped country on the planet. We have already been sucked dry.

The Dreaded "R" Word

We are confronting limited supply and potentially unlimited demand. We have neither the resources to provide, nor the money to pay for, medical care ad lib for all. We must establish priorities and impose constraints (yes, rationing) based on valid cost-benefit assumptions. Unless and until our legislators grasp and accept that fundamental truism, they will never enact optimally-effective health care reforms.

Let us pray...

They have two young children and a dog. The husband lost his job because of a back injury. The wife has a chronic disabling gastrointestinal disease. They have no health insurance. They had to declare bankruptcy. Soon they will be evicted from their home. A concerned neighbor prays that god will take care of them. (How's he been doing for them so far?!)

Everyone who endures because of faith possesses the power within to endure without faith.

Her brutality on the soccer field was appalling. And yes, she should be banned from the sport. But so too should her coach, who must have encouraged, or at least tolerated, her abominable misbehavior.

Turn right at Islamabad...

Three viable candidates (Democrat, Republican, Independent) campaigned actively and competed in debates. On my ballot, Column 1 listed the Democrat incumbent. Column 2 listed the Republican challenger. Not until the bottom of Column 6, buried among numerous fringe candidates, did I find the Independent. Blatant election-rigging? I thought maybe I had made a wrong turn and wound up in Kabul!

And the winner is...?

A majority of voters bought (hook, line, and stinker) our new governor's Plan: he pledged to reduce the cost of state government, cut taxes, create new jobs, improve education for all our children, conserve the environment, and leap the Capitol in a single bound. The same recycled, tired litany of empty promises made during every campaign by every candidate from both major parties. Never once did he even intimate how he intended to accomplish his grandiose agenda. Now we've got the next four years to bear the inevitable yoke of dissonance between rhetoric and reality. Americans love fairy tales but seem to forget that in many bedtime stories there's a monster lurking in the closet!

Account Receivable

I received my second Final Bill (I had promptly paid the first one) from Verizon. This time, these captains of industry incurred expenses for first-class postage, a return envelope (with window), and printing a four-page statement (including a warning that this bill may already have been turned over to a collection agency)--to extract from me a Balance Due of nine cents! I am tempted to tape a dime to the invoice and demand a penny change.

Preventive Medicine

Throngs scrunched tightly together in long queues for hours, waiting to be vaccinated. What more hospitable conditions for the virus to spread?!

Re: My "Memorable Occasion"

Several friends expressed surprise at my ignorance of robotic trash collection and sardonically welcomed me to the Third Millennium. By way of explication (and in my own defense): I lived for sixteen years in rural Tennessee, where I had to haul my own trash to a County dumpster; then, until recently, I lived for nine years in a hi-rise condominium at the Jersey Shore, where I simply dropped my waste down a chute in a hallway closet. So for the past quarter century, I have been unwittingly insulated from the Remarkable Residential Refuse-removal Revolution!

For most people, there is no The One--there is only the one for now.

A Memorable Occasion

It was Trash-collection Day. I remember the chaos and high-decibel cacophony of dump trucks rumbling into previous neighborhoods, intent on disturbing the pre-dawn peace--each with two or three sweaty drones clinging to the back; who periodically dismounted and flung metal cans and contents about with abandon, then raced after the receding behemoth--only to repeat the teeth-rattling, mind-numbing ritual until all the refuse had been collected, or at least redistributed. Waste disposal was an iffy and noisome proposition. Not so at my new abode! A vehicle resembling an armored personnel carrier (or an orange Stegosaurus on wheels) stopped at the end of my driveway, sans hangers-on--this was a one-man show! As I watched slack-jawed, two metal arms emerged, embraced my plastic trash container, hoisted it skyward, upended it, and delivered its bagged contents into the beast's cavernous maw, then reset the emptied receptacle in its precise curbside footprint. In this manner, 110 homes were serviced by a single individual (who never even got his hands dirty!) in about a half hour. An impressive performance. And more entry-level blue-collar jobs eliminated.

True Love?

I read an epistle from John Keats to Fanny Brawne, "considered to be one of the most beautiful love letters ever written." If Keats' consuming obsession be True Love, I want none of it!

When you seem to have no good options, opt for the least-bad.

Reformer, temper thy optimism!

Health care reformers predicting enormous potential savings should keep in mind that whenever something--anything--is free, or perceived as free, its consumption tends to increase.

To a Friend

In response to a health-care reform proposal that would allow all Americans to buy into Medicare:

OK. But Medicare "works" partly because it underpays providers, who then charge more (price shifting) to private-insureds (and the private insurers, not the providers or Medicare, take the heat). And Medicare administrative costs appear extremely "low" because Medicare doesn't pay claims (the biggest administrative expense), it contracts with "third-party payors" (some of the same insurance carriers everyone rails against for administrative inefficiencies). Besides, this proposal still doesn't address the MAJOR determinant of health care costs--physician behavior!

To the Editor

Today's editorial pointed out that Philly is a tough sports town and that Michael Vick will "get no slack" from Eagles fans. Not quite true. If Vick scores touchdowns, he'll get lots of slack--many fans will embrace him; as long as he performs on the field, those fickle fans couldn't care less about Michael Vick's character or his crimes.

What do YOU think?

My friend, himself quite a player in "the day," asked what I thought of the Eagles signing Mike Vick:

Only someone amoral--a sociopath--could have committed acts (electrocutions, eviscerations, et al) as despicable and sadistic as Michael Vick did. He gets only scorn, no sympathy, from me. I thought he should have been locked up for about 20 years--then if he wanted to try to play football again, I'd have had no objection! I find it offensive hearing the Eagles' coach say, and "fans" mindlessly parrot, "This is America...everyone deserves a second chance"--including murders, rapists, pedophiles?? Vick's acts were just as heinous; his remorse, I believe, is primarily over being caught, losing his multimillion-dollar contract and the misplaced adulation of the masses. There must be scores of talented players who actually DESERVE an opportunity to compete and prove themselves--Vick does not. Surely, as a society, especially one that often lauds its own compassion and humanity, we must aspire to higher values than how fast someone can run or how accurately he can throw a ball!

Lunacy comes in many flavors!

A group of fifty orthodox rabbis and Jewish "mystics" boarded a plane and conducted an airborne prayer meeting while flying over Israel--to prevent the spread of swine flu. Oy vey!

Health Care Reform

To all you Free-Marketers out there who want to rely on unfettered capitalism to reform the U.S. health care system: IT WON"T WORK! Why? Because heath care is relatively immune to the usual marketplace forces of competition/supply-and-demand. Why? Because in health care, the provider (doctor), not the consumer (patient), actually creates much of the demand for his own services and even initiates the purchase orders. Only physicians admit to hospitals, order tests, perform surgeries, prescribe drugs, even determine return-visit frequency and intensity. That's one reason why, counterintuitively, areas with the highest physician densities (the most "competitive") often also have the highest physician incomes. Until this fundamental reality of health care economics is recognized and addressed, heath care costs will continue to soar.

In the special case of health care economics, Adam Smith's Invisible Hand is the same hand that writes the scrip and weilds the scalpel.

A votre sante!

In the dialogue over health care reform, I have been struck by the concern of opponents that their ad lib access to health care might be restricted. For all those who insist that more is necessarily better, I present a few disquieting tidbits (all from reputable sources and readily available for your reading pleasure on the Internet) re: "health" care costs and consequences:
A 2000 article in the Journal of the American Medical Association reported 2000 deaths/year from unnecessary surgeries, 7000 from in-hospital medication errors, 20000 from "other" in-hospital medical mistakes.
A presidential task force in 2000 concluded that medical miscues cost as much as $29 billion annually and are responsible for 44000-90000 deaths.
The CDC reported more than 2 million nosocomial (hospital-acquired) infections annually, causing nearly 30000 deaths and generating $4.5 billion in costs.
Lethal, drug-resistent bacteria, the emergence of which is a direct result of the habitual overutilization of antibiotics, kill an estimated 40000 North Americans each year. (The prevalence and virulence of Super Germs are rising and represent one potential Doomsday Scenario.)
The Progressive Policy Institute claimed that Americans spend $700 billion annually for unnecessary tests and procedures. Slightly more conservatively, a physician/author from Yale attributed $650 billion/year to medical waste, fraud, and abuse.
Sometimes less is more (and a lot safer).

We will never eliminate the thieves in politics; but by voting out incumbents after a single term, we might at least be able to limit the extent of their larceny.

The Great "Profiling" Debate

President Obama complained that police have a history of stopping Blacks and Hispanics "disproportionately." Disproportionate to their representation in the general population, no doubt; but disproportionate to their involvement in criminal activities?

I used to think that Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell might be one of the (few) political Good Guys. No more--not since he pleaded with a presiding judge for leniency on behalf of a Democrat crony convicted on more than 130 counts of criminal misconduct. What kind of civics lesson for young Pennsylvanians was that, Governor Rendell?

When Ted Kennedy urged that the average American should receive the same (Cadillac) health care coverage as a U.S. senator, he got it backwards: senators should receive the same (Chevrolet) coverage that average Americans should be entitled to. We cannot provide or afford the Best for all; for most, Good Enough must be good enough (and will be far better than none).

To the Editor

To James Kennedy's insightful "Six ways to head off economic disaster in Atlantic City," (7/19) I offer two more:
First, rampant, institutionalized governmental corruption and incompetence may be the single greatest impediment to meaningful, sustained, city-wide progress and must be excised like a cancer. The appointment in Pleasantville of a state monitor with veto powers seems to have mitigated the skullduggery of the Board of Education there; similar but broader controls should be implemented immediately in Atlantic City. The future of Atlantic City is too important to New Jersey to leave in the hands of self-serving local politicos.
Second, accept (gratefully) that Atlantic City is, and always will be, first and foremost a seashore resort community. Neighboring states will always be able to build bigger, glitzier casinos, but they can never replicate our beaches and boardwalks! Planners should study and expand upon the playbooks of OceanCity and Cape May. Development of Bader Field presents a singular opportunity to recreate Atlantic City as a desirable and exciting year-round family vacation destination--once again, America's Favorite Playground; this opportunity must not be squandered.

Whether or not it's going to be an auspicious day depends not on the positions of the moon and the stars but on the positions of the shit and the fan.

"This week the world stops to mourn Michael Jackson." Make that the world minus one.

To celebrate my new home, I treated myself to an economy model of "the world's most luxurious toilet"--picture driving through a carwash with your ass hanging out the window!

I heard that Sarah Palin is considering a run for president--of the Wasilla PTA?!

He was shot twice in the chest, twice in the head. "Police have ruled the death a homicide." Well done, Sherlock.

Feeling lucky? You could win a ticket to join the other voyeurs at the Michael Jackson funeral!

It speaks volumes about our national character that ultimate fighting, eating contests, and celebrity funerals are such popular American pastimes.

Shades of "The Bell Curve"

The city of New Haven discarded test results because no Black firefighters qualified for promotion. In defending itself against charges of reverse discrimination, the city argued that test emphasis on memorized knowledge had put minority candidates at a disadvantage. Had the exam required candidates to list Pat Boone's Greatest Hits or the last three winners of the America's Cup, the city's defense might have swayed even Justice Scalia (and me). But assuming that the knowledge being tested was job-related (and all candidates agreed after the test that it was), wasn't it demeaning to Blacks to suggest that they were less able than their White counterparts to absorb and retain relevant information? In finding for the plaintiffs (the White firefighters), the Supreme Court overturned two lower court rulings--not an easy decision but, I think, a just one.

Our new president may have a problem with self-esteem--too much!

It's not easy being green.

I bought this new desk lamp that requires a 100 Watt dimmable bulb. To be more eco-friendly, I have been using compact flourescents exclusively. So I went online to 1000 Bulbs (dot com!) and found several of various types that met my requirements, ranging in price from $12+ to $50+ per bulb. Since they seemed practically identical in all technical specifications, I opted for the least expensive. Until I got to Checkout and found that it would cost me $9+ to ship the $12+ bulb. So I clicked Delete and went instead to Billows Electrical Supply; they had none in stock but found what I needed in their catalogue for $20+. I told them no thanks, figuring I would wait until I needed a few more CFLs, then order online as I had been doing, thereby diluting the per bulb shipping cost. But after I left Billows, I decided that I really should make sure the new lamp (also purchased online!) was working properly. So I returned and, purely as a temporary measure, bought an old-fashioned inefficient 100 Watt incandescent bulb (I discovered that they're all now 95 Watts--just like my "half-gallon" of Rocky Road that contains only 3 pints!)--for 47 cents! I do try to do my part to help save the planet--but JEEZ!? (I don't even want to think about the gasoline consumed on my Billows excursion, but I fear that my carbon footprint may have grown a half-size today.)

How absurd it seems, that each of the fifty states among these United States can decide for themselves, according to dominent local biases and beliefs, who can marry within their own borders, and who can not.

"...in the name of Jesus."

I watched a chilling expose of African priests accusing small children of witchcraft and subjecting them to grisly exorcisms--not a giant conceptual leap from our own shamen stigmatizing babies with original sin.

Try as I may, I can think of no way in which I would be personally diminished by permitting gay marriage.

I received my $250 stimulus check. I can't decide whether to repair a highway or build a bridge.

post hoc ergo propter hoc (redux)

Following 9/11/01, Bush-Cheney launched an Inquisition ("Enhanced Interrogation Techniques") to combat Terrorism. Since then, there has not been another major attack on American soil. Torture works. Be a Patriot, torture a terrorist.

From 2001 to 2008, average U.S. temperature rose by 0.2 degrees Celsius. During that time, there has not been another major attack on American soil. Global Warming works. Be a Patriot, hang on to your Hummer.

In the debate between President Obama and former Vice President Cheney re: use of torture to keep us safe, the president must ultimately lose. Sooner or later, there will be another terrorist attack; when that happens, uncritical Americans will embrace Cheney's predictable post hoc conclusion: "Told you so!"

"We should look forward, not back."

If we fail to learn from History by exposing the previous criminal Adminstration, we are doomed to a succession of future criminal Administrations.

To the Editor

----- Original Message -----
To: letters@pressofac.com
Sent: Wednesday, May 13, 2009 8:01 AM
Subject: Health Care Costs

The letter writer (Voice of the People, 5/13) is right when she notes that malpractice suits constitute only a relatively small percentage of total health care costs. She is wrong, however, when she posits, instead, that excessive "paperwork...and huge salaries...of insurance executives" are "the reason for the outrageous cost of health care." We do need to streamline the administrative aspects of our medical system. And we do need tort reform. But physicians, themselves, directly or indirectly, generate the vast majority of health care costs: only physicians admit patients to hospitals and determine their lengths of stay, only physicians perform surgical procedures, only physicians order diagnostic tests and prescription drugs. Want to reduce "outrageous" health care costs? To do so, one must recognize that costs are a function of both price (fees) and volume (utilization); both factors must be addressed simultaneously. First, develop fair and consistent provider fee schedules that control fee escalation and reward effective, efficient professional practices. Second, implement mandatory educational provider Quality Assurance Programs aimed at eliminating unnecessary, inappropriate (and often dangerous) medical services. As we achieve optimal quality, optimal utilization (and cost) must follow, automatically and inevitably.

Just following orders?

I am disappointed that President Obama has elected not to prosecute the Bush-Cheney advocates and practitioners of torture. If our laws are not to be applied to the law makers and law enforcers, whence our moral authority to apply the laws to anyone?

Have Pith Helmet, Will Travel

I call my home The Aerie (The Eagle's Nest) and insist that it is as close to Xanadu as I am likely ever to get! This was supposed to be my Final Destination--then Fickle Fate stepped in; a Perfect Storm of personal circumstances coalesced to convince me that it's time to move on to my next Excellent Adventure.

Papal WD40

The pope sent a supply of "holy oil" to victims of the devastating earthquake. To grease the skids of recovery? (Now if only they had a roll of duct tape!)

I've been thinking...

If one must believe in a remedy to derive benefit, it is the belief, not the remedy, that is beneficial.

"The shooter was a Vietnamese man who was a U.S. citizen." If he was a citizen, didn't that make the shooter an American man?

I am pleased to see foreign diplomats interacting with an American president whom they can respect; imagine how pleased those foreign diplomats must be!

President Obama affirmed his commitment to acheiving "the peace and security of a world without nuclear weapons." Regrettably, Mr. President, eliminating nuclear weapons will make the world neither peaceful nor secure.

Banking, education, health care, government...is there any essential American institution that is not broken?

My Personal Credo

I play by the rules, mind my own business, and expect others to do likewise.

Follow the Leader

"Is Rush Limbaugh the new leader of the Republican party?" I suspect (and hope) that Limbaugh leads only Republican rabble.

If I were King, I would launch a fleet of crop dusters spraying Fabreze to mask the acrid stench of putrefaction.

"On God: An Uncommon Conversation"

Reading Norman Mailer's personal theology was like listening to a tedious (and witless) joke.

The fool asks unanswerable questions; the priest compounds the foolishness by answering them.

Ideologues of every stripe share a common disdain for independent thought.

The Art of Compromise

Every compromise is a partial sacrifice of the Best to the Least--the Least is enhanced, the Best is diminished.

Jekyll or Hyde?

The most chilling aspect of monsters like Mengele and Eichman is that they really weren't monsters at all.

At his war-crimes trial, the architect of the Final Solution looked frail and frightened, his expressions contorted by a nervous tic. Alone, stripped of support and symbols, he inspired more pity than hate.

I fear most the Nobody desperate to be Somebody.

Language-cop Citations

Did anything besides nomenclature change when the War Zone became a "non-permissive environment"?

A military "variance" that kills is still a deadly fuck-up!

Memo to Judge Joe Brown: The conflicting testimony may be contrary or contradictory, but it is not "contradictorary." (And the defendant's residence is his premises, not his "premise.")

Memo to Today's Natalie Morales: Barack Obama's election may have been momentous, even monumental--but it was not "monumentous."

Human Rights Watch urged NATO to discontinue use of cluster bombs, because children might pick up an unexploded canister and "find themselves killed"!

Exorcism & Self-actualization

Reliance on outside forces, be they spectral or earthly, for self-actualization is disempowering and dehumanizing.

We can fully actualize our humanity only by exorcising our demons and angels.

Other-wordly fantasies diminish the exquisite majesty and mystery of life and death on Earth.

Religion is on the rise. god help us.

In a world of Rationalists, the distinctions are clear, absolute, and mutually-exclusive: the murderous attacks cannot be both a perversion and an expression of god's will, a savage act of terror and a holy act of selfless devotion. In a world of Theists, contradictory concepts thrive, "truth" the sole possession of whoever most-successfully suppresses disagreeable dogma.

Religious hegemony is achieved by killing, converting, or out-reproducing the infidels.

I will accept Man's charity as evidence of god's beneficence if you will concede Man's sinfulness as a manifestation of god's iniquity.

'Tis a puzzlement.

Why would a liberated slave embrace his oppressors' religion? Why would a liberated woman accept a patriarchal fiat that endows a two-celled conceptus with unalienable rights?

Her son was killed in Baghdad last month. Then her mother "was taken." Now her home has been swallowed by the floods. Thank god it's finally stopped raining.

Irreconcilable Differences

Despite agonized attempts to "get along," religion and science are fundamentally, at their cores, incompatible: religion provides immutable answers, issues eternal prescriptions and proscriptions--a static condition of closed-mindedness; science poses questions, pursues and promotes evolving hypotheses--a fluid state of inquisitiveness.

Science searches for answers, religion invents them.

Dependent on proofs, science is dynamic; contrary evidence is welcome. Independent of proofs, religion remains static; contrary evidence is heretical.

Challenge scientific dogma and you may earn a Nobel Prize; challenge religious dogma and you earn eternal damnation.

Whenever science contradicts scriptures, believers insist that what the bible says isn't (necessarily) what the bible means; theologians simply (conveniently) reinterpret the offending passages. Odd that god has had so much difficulty making himself understood.

As science advances, religion must retreat (or at least detour).

If religionists would leave science to scientists, I'd wager that scientists would (gladly) leave religion to religionists.

Language-cop Citations

Presidential historian, on the Monica Lewinsky affair: "She almost caused Bill Clinton to lose his presidency." Yeah, like Nicole caused O.J. to lose his Heisman Trophy!

"Hillary cares about her zone of privacy." Translation: She has more to hide.

Lifetime Achievement Awards should be bestowed posthumously; otherwise, they're only Up-'til-now Awards.

For his first crime, he was condemned to death; for his second, he received 25 years in prison. According to the News, "He'll serve the two sentences consecutively"!?

Lactaid is "100% lactose-reduced." Is it safe to assume that means it's lactose-free?!

I am responsible for what I say, not for how it is received.

Show or Tell

Unless you're an accomplished terpsichorean, don't try to dazzle me with your footwork.

Trying to be clever is like trying to look beautiful--a failed attempt can render one less attractive.

Don't tell me, show me; then I'll understand.

REALITY is not your enemy; besides, you can't kill it.

Turn your back, REALITY will kick your keister; resist, REALITY will flatten you like a pancake.

REALITY is Reality stripped naked of wishful thinking.

As one's own Reality approximates REALITY, one approaches Enlightenment.

The Reality of the dung beetle is as valid as the Reality of the butterfly.

Each owns his own Reality and is primarily responsible for its care and maintenance.

REALITY always laughs last.

REALITY Check: Don Quixote was a crazy old coot!

Morality Play

The letter writer blamed "left-wing secularists" for the college shootings and advocated the favorite right-wing cureall, a return to "absolute, faith-based morals." Whose faith? Which morals? Those that generated the Inquisition and the Salem Witch Trials? Those that spawned the Taliban and the Ayatollahs? Who will serve as Arbiter of Faith and Morality?

The Conservative columnist noted "a major decline in morality as a direct consequence of a major decline in the influence of religious values." I agree; I, too, yearn for the bygone morality of our god-fearing forebears who exterminated Native Americans and enslaved Blacks, denied suffrage to women and exploited children-laborers in sweatshops, celebrated public lynchings, and burned witches at the stake. Gimme that ol'-time religion!

Is one moral if one behaves morally because of divine intimidation and threat?

Credo

" I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." How much more optimistic and empowering than a credo that concedes one's helplessness and relegates one's destiny to disembodied spirits.

During Obama's first address to Congress, it was distracting watching Nancy Pelosi, seated behind the president, popping up and down like a bobble-headed jack-in-the-box!

Catholics went about their mid-week affairs branded with a smear of ash on their foreheads; and their god was well pleased.

Did you scrub behind your ears?

If you're thinking, "He's a real son-of-a-bitch" (or this or that), ask yourself: "What else is he?" Ask again--and again, until you can find something positive to attribute.

The pot does not cleanse itself by calling the kettle black.

Language-cop Citations

Rumors are rife, kumquats are "ripe"; unrest is fomented, beer is "fermented."

Unless you are a Parisian, or straining to sound like one, "homage" is pronounced hahm-ij, not oh-mahjh.

A "pre-owned" car is a new car; if it's used, it's previously-owned.

Leadership Consultant: "We're all leaders." Then who will follow us?!

What does it mean that someone is imprisoned for the remainder of his "natural life"?

Mysterious Ways

Willard Scott praised "the good lord" that more didn't perish in the lethal mudslides. Amen. And thank the good lord for the torrential rains that spawned the quagmire. And thank the good lord for the hellish wildfires that destroyed the natural barriers to the rapacious flow. And thank the good lord for the sixteen souls who were swallowed whole by the omnivorous ooze.

Her father thanked god for "watching over" his daughter when she was mauled by a mountain lion. Indeed; god watched as the lion stalked, leapt, and ripped the young girl's face off.

I rest my case.

In a typical defense of god, C.S. Lewis argued that god was aware his gift of Free Will might be misused but determined that the potential benefit to Man was worth the risk. Might be misused? Risk? An omniscient god would have known--with absolute certainty--that Free Will would be misused. It was god, himself, therefore, who knowingly and willfully created evil--Man was simply an unwitting victim fulfilling his ("god-given") destiny.

Spare the rod...

The rabbi urged parents in interfaith marriages to teach their children one religion or the other so the kids will be able to answer "What are you?" I say children should be taught that nonsensical questions don't deserve answers.

They deplore the abuse of innocent children, even while flogging their own with Original Sin.

Most of us didn't choose our religion--like a worm shoved down the throat of a baby bird, it was force-fed to us when we were young and defenseless.

Religion should be a personal, informed, adult decision--leave the children alone!

Linguaphile's Corner

Every statement is (at least) a double entendre.

Sometimes a period can be more emphatic than an exclamation point.

Inflammatory rhetoric is like gunning the accelerator while in Neutral: one risks spinning out of control when shifting into gear.

Truths and Consequences

Confession may be good for the soul but does not excuse offensive behavior or relieve one of accountability.

It is meaningless to "take responsibility" for one's actions unless one also accepts the consequences.

Verities

After the agency received an "F" for its failed effort, the FAA spokeswoman acknowledged: "That's not a very good grade"!

During a moment of national hand-wringing: "Kids see an average of forty-five episodes of violence on TV every day. That's got to add up"!

After the fatal plane crash: "The NTSB will be investigating whether something went wrong with the flight"!

Q: "Why don't more people know about this disease?"
A: "It's a matter of awareness"!

Pre-game prognostication: "As long as we can keep them from beating us, we have a good chance of winning"!

Miscellany VI

A righteous man may be betrayed--an evildoer can only be exposed.

False humility is more repugnant than genuine hubris.

We cope with the threat of natural disasters by assuming they will strike someone else.

We constantly strive for "inner peace." But history's greatest achievers have been driven by inner turmoil.

The capacity for introspection may be the most-distinguishing quality of our species, responsible for much of our self-improvement and many of our neuroses.

Miscellany V

We're losing the ability to distinguish wants from needs.

Savor small pleasures--they're easier to come by than the biggies.

Were we worse or better off when we were more repressed?

Self-doubt should make one cautious, not catatonic.

When you don't know what to do, resist the urge to do something.

Elites of the world, unite!

One need only examine Box Office Receipts and Neilsen Ratings to appreciate the unfortunate extent to which our popular culture reflects the pedestrian tastes of a plurality.

If an Elite is someone who recognizes a distinction between High Culture and Low Culture, and believes the former worthier of encouragement than the latter, I gladly accept that appellation.

Power of Prayer

"For weeks they prayed for rain." Then it rained. Thank god.

If parents practice faith-healing and their child dies, does that mean their faith is imperfect, their entreaties are undeserving, or their god is otherwise preoccupied?

Wouldn't a true believer stop praying once god had ignored or rejected his petition?

We seek comfort and consolation from prayer, like a perseverating laboratory rat continuing to press the lever long after all the food pellets have been consumed.

Obdurate acolytes will be praying on Doomsday.

More "365 Days..."

The axiom that there are no Atheists in foxholes proves not the existence of a Supreme Being but the potency of our primal fears.

Primitive deities demanded human sacrifice. Our more civilized gods require only the sacrifice of Reason.

Labeling

No need to shackle yourself with limiting labels--others will be more than happy to do that for you.

Attaching a label doesn't create understanding or establish truth.

By defying categorization, you'll intrigue your supporters and confound your detractors.

Language-cop Citations

The historian displayed the last loveletter from the "illiterate frontiersman." If he were illiterate, how did he write all those mushy letters?

By now, is there anyone on the planet who doesn't know that when an earthquake "measures six..." that's "...on the Richter scale"?

"Supernatural" is a nonsense word--if something occurs, it's natural.

Figure-skating commentator Dick Button performs a Double Lutz of a metaphor: "It was a wild roller-coaster of a merry-go-round!"

It's Merriam-, not "Miriam," Webster; it's Westminster, not "West Minister; it's corpus delicti, not "corpus dilecti" (and it has nothing, necessarily, to do with dead bodies).

Fifteen Minutes of Fame

One distressing aspect of the more-sensational TV talk shows is that they all find a ready store of nitwits to exploit.

For some, the spotlight can be irresistably seductive, even when focused on their blemishes.

How does having one's faults exposed make one "more human"?

Some contrarians argue that restrictions on executive compensation will cause good managers to quit their jobs. I have two problems with that argument: 1) many of these "good" execs are among the aiders and abettors who created this mess, and 2) in this economy, where are they going to go?

The California Medical Association is investigating whether implanting all those embryos was a violation of practice standards. In a mother-of-six, the only acceptable "standard" should be zero!

It could have been worse.

Why should it comfort me, knowing that others are worse off than I?

Are stories of other's hardships "uplifting" because we admire the survivors' fortitude in facing adversity or because we're relieved that their tribulations afflicted them, not us?

When things don't go our way, our first reaction is to look for someone or something to blame.

It was always painful watching George Bush stammer and stumble through his (occasional) press conferences; it was refreshing to witness our new president's grasp of the issues and command of the language.

Top of the Food Chain

Even bright individuals, when aggregated in large groups, often collectively act stupid.

The clerarest differentiae between us and our Stone Age forebears are our weapons of choice.

Only in humans do instincts become obsessions.

Is mental illness the price of our species' higher intelligence?

Rancorous partisan politics guarantees an imperfect Economic Stimulus Plan; still, likely better than either party would have produced on its own, unopposed.

Identity Theft

Our identities are forged not only by who and what we are but by who and what others think we are.

Great harm can result when one's Group identity overshadows one's sense of Self.

Can anyone hear me out there?

I enjoy going to the movies. But I object to the painfully loud audio, especially during pre-show trailers and advertisements. Such excessive volume is not only an annoyance but is a public health hazard that can permanently damage patrons' hearing. Surely we must have ordinances against dangerous noise pollution. Where is the enforcement? The Health Department should be conducting periodic, unannounced decibel-checks at all local theaters and should levy substantial fines for violations.

From the git-go, I concluded that the octuplets' mom was either stupid or crazy. Now I've seen some of her interviews. She isn't stupid.

Interviewer, referring to the single mother of fourteen small children: "Might there still be a positive outcome to this?" No; a family of fifteen--each occupying space, consuming resources, generating waste--is already, by definition, a terrible outcome.

Dreamworks

To avoid disappointment, work hard and dream small.

To devotees of "If you can dream it, you can do it," I ask: How's that been working for you so far?

With unemployment at alarming levels and rising, mightn't now be a propitious time to revisit the hot-potato issue of undocumented workers?

Linguaphile's Corner

An authorized embargo is a sanctioned sanction!

A ban on assault rifles is an ordnance ordinance!

A melancholy complainant is a plaintive plaintiff!

"A man's house is his castle" is a premises premise!

Verities

First annual Sportsman of the Year: "The first award happens only once"!

The decision to escalate the attacks by bombing downtown Belgrade "could be associated with increased civilian casualties"!

After two weeks, NATO believed its nonstop barrage was "making life more difficult for the Yugoslavians"!

Clarifying the elements in a gymnastics routine: "Everything comes one after the other"!

Jay Leno, introducing children-inventors: "These are the young people of tomorrow"!

Presidential Two-week Report Card

Style: B

Substance: C-

Comments: Plays well with others.

Re: his appointees, President Obama is being ill-served by his advisers; re: his economic stimulus package, he is being ill-served by his allies.

More "365 Days..."

On September 11, 2001, the Doomsday Clock started ticking--fulfillment not of divine revelation but of human folly.

J'accuse!--god either made it happen or let it happen; god gets no more capital gees from me.

The minister responded to the bereaved daughter's anger: "god doesn't give us diseases." Then who gave the dead woman the lethal pathogen and the imperfect immune system that together killed her?

My friend's brand-new grandbaby is in the hospital with meningitis. Now might not be a good time to argue the merits of your all-powerful, loving god.

No self-respecting god would tolerate so many hackneyed, gratuitous apologies offered on his behalf; he would smite the presumptuous apologists.

Miscellany IV

One may deny one's past; one cannot escape it.

Like it or not, we are, each of us, alone.

When you think things can't possibly get worse, they can; when you think things will never get better, they will.

Count on nothing, rely on no one: strategy for survival or prescription for despair?

When you can't find what you're looking for, look within.

Miscellany III

"You can run, but you can't hide." Oh yes you can--you can hide from everyone but yourself.

You can always "do better"--but only at the risk of losing what you've already got.

A spectator watches; an observer sees.

The pessimist sees the glass half empty, the optimist sees the glass half full; either way, both have only half a glass.

The challenge for most of us is to gracefully accept defeat.

Miscellany II

It takes time and cultivation for the seeds of our neuroses to fully blossom.

The prime requisite for any successful collaboration is generosity.

Take nothing (and no one) for granted.

When one hedges one's bet, it usually means that one is holding a losing hand.

Those who seem to have everything you want often also have a lot that you don't want.

Now we learn that the latest mother of octuplets is a single mom who already had six other children and lives with her parents. Imagine the cost to the taxpayers of subsidizing this woman's neurotic prolificacy for the next twenty years. (Could that have been what she had in mind?) This was not a medical miracle, it was a medical sideshow. Where is the outrage from the AMA? And where is the condemnation from our sanctimonious religious leaders?--if their god intended octuplets, he'd have given Eve eight teats. The fertility "expert" who enabled this unconscionable obscenity should lose his professional licence--permanently-- and be sentenced to hand-washing these babies' diapers until they're all fully potty-trained!

Business as Usual

I am disappointed by President Obama's apparent inability to prevent elements of his own Party from exploiting his "non-partisan" Economic Stimulus Plan as a vehicle to further their Progressive social/cultural agendae.

Miscellany

To see, one must look; to hear, one must listen. To feel, one must touch.

Desires fulfilled may satisfy; desires frustrated can inspire.

Learn to be Still; not like a void but like a placid sea.

Until one develops a sense of balance, it may be a good idea to use training wheels.

With all our modern toys, how come we aren't having fun yet?

Get REAL (or REAL will get you!)

REALITY is what will be left after we've all killed each other off defending our own Realities.

REALITY is the Energizer Bunny on steroids--and with an attitude!

The same REALITY is the context of all our disparate delusions.

REALITY is amoral, nonjudgmental, and utterly indifferent to your passions.

What happens when a fixed notion confronts a dynamic REALITY? Regrettably, usually nothing.

Catch 22

Incessant partisan wrangling in Washington supports my contention that Big Government can do nothing well; still, government must do something. (Whatever opposing intransigents finally manage to cobble together, don't expect it to be pretty!)

Language-cop Citations

Lesbian activist: "We've got to educate people and let them know there's no difference between gay people and straight people." Well, I can think of one difference!

"I don't think the president's conduct rises to the level of an impeachable offense." Don't you mean sinks to the level...?!

J.R.R. Tolkein: "All that is gold does not glitter..." Did J.R.R. really mean (as he wrote) that nothing that is gold glitters or that not all that is gold glitters?!

"Turn right at the red light." Got it--and if the light is green?!

"That's the honest truth" is redundant, Mr. President--and that's a true fact!

Shame on us!

We needn't feel ashamed of human bloodlust--it's in our genes; our shame lies in the failure to use our intellects to subdue our appetites.

I had long objected to the lyrics of "Amazing Grace" that characterize mankind as wretches. I've changed my mind: I might prefer "scum," but "wretch" will do.

The noblest accomplishments are those not achieved at someone else's expense.

The most bitter defeats are those hardest fought; the sweetest victories are those hardest won.

Q&A

Is this all there is?
Yes. What was isn't. Neither is what might have been or what will be.

Is Death the End or the Beginning?
Death is the end of time with you and the beginning of time without you.

A Letter to the Editor

Today's "Our View" correctly identifies deferral of expenditures as a budgetary gimmick that does not seriously address New Jersey's mounting fiscal crisis. Yet, in the same issue, a frontpage article refers to governmental pension-payment deferrals as "savings." Deferrals are not savings, and propogating that delusion further enables the perpetrators in Trenton to put off real, meaningful, and lasting spending cuts (the only way to right our listing ship of state). With deferrals, taxpayer liabilities continue to rise, unaffected--and eventually (on someone else's watch the gutless politicos pray) the bills come due and the piper must be paid.

Any federal economic stimulus plan will include broad-based tax relief; paradoxically (and counterproductively), cash-strapped states, counties, and municipalities are feverishly padding every tax, toll, and fee in sight.

The primary mission of any government--democratic or despotic, capitalistic or socialistic, big or small--is to perpetuate itself.

No good deed goes unpunished!

For decades, Americans have been castigated for our love affair with the automobile. We were warned about our harmful impact on the environment and the dangers of increasing dependency on foreign oil. We blithely ignored pleas to carpool, use public transit, purchase more-fuel-efficient vehicles. Then the price at the pump went through the roof, and we changed our profligate habits--we actually began driving less, benefiting both the planet and our family budgets. Win/win! But now a federal commission urges a 50% hike in the gasoline tax to make up for the foreseeable revenue shortfall consequent to reduced consumption.

From "365 Days to RECOVERY from RELIGION"

I'm fascinated by the compartmentalization of the intellect, as exemplified by the autistic savant in "Rain Main" and god-fearing cosmologists.

In one compartment lies that which we believe--in a separate compartment that which we know. The partition enables faith unencumbered by knowledge and permits knowledge unimpeded by faith.

Without any apparent sense of irony, the prominent Catholic priest-scientist characterized creationists as ignorant while explaining/excusing his personal beliefs in a virgin birth and resurrection as simply matters of faith.

How come people who believe in angels find fairies and leprechauns implausible?

And the winner is...

America must adjust to Second-place or Third-place or, increasingly, Also-ran.

I first wondered in a different context; in light of recent events in Gaza, I remain perplexed: The wives of my enemy succor my enemy, the progeny of my enemy are my enemies-in-waiting--"innocent women and children"?

Inauguration or Coronation?

Excess is unseemly--moreso in times of austerity.

Verities

Prosecutor: "First-degree murder is a charge we don't take lightly"!

Cancer specialist: "Cure of the disease depends on its response to treatment"!

Hockey player, on scoring his team's lone point: "One is better than none"!

Law professor, on fabricated evidence that sent an innocent man to Death Row: "That's really bad"!

Thanks to the Weather Channel for informing me that the weatherman I am watching is an "on-camera meteorologist"!

Inauguration Day

Assaulted by insensitive oaths, prayers, and benedictions, I was reminded that I, now unlike Barack Obama, remain part of an excluded minority, Atheist Americans.

Not even great orators can long maintain an unbroken string of great speeches; the president's inaugural address was acceptable but not exceptional.

The Inauguration itinerary featured back-to-back-to back-to-back speeches by our new president. Even too much of a good thing can become tiresome.

Female staffers become pregnant after touching statue of African fertility goddess at Ripley mueum

Touching the goddess led without an exception,
The women swore, to immaculate conception.
To lovers who doubted what the icon begot,
They replied, "This is Ripley's--Believe It or Not!"

Coffee house causes flap over sticky bun containing image of Mother Theresa

It quickly became a tourist attraction,
And prompted the owner's over-reaction--
First he sold nun T-shirts, then on further reflection,
Shellacked and preserved this immaculate confection:
"I'll not profit from perpetuating such fiction,
But buy an espresso, get a free benediction!"

Going my way?

The road less traveled could be a dead end.

It doesn't matter that I'm being left behind unless everyone else is going somewhere I want to get to.

Inertia makes it hard to get started; then, once you're in motion, makes it hard to stop.

If one never looks back, one risks being rear-ended.

Fire!

When one's life is ablaze, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

Endure this moment for the promise of the next.

During his farewell address, George Bush seemed bewildered and embarrassed--no longer the swaggering cowboy--still unable to grasp why he was leaving office in disgrace, still excusing his abject failures by asserting that he had done his best, still unable to recognize or unwilling to concede that his best wasn't nearly good enough.

Change

People and circumstances change; enduring relationships change with them.

Whether the old dog can learn a new trick may depend on how badly he wants that bone.

The configuration and dimensions of any box we build can always be adjusted later to provide a better fit.

One can change for better or worse; the thing one can't do is stay the same.

Accomplished incrementally, the task seems less daunting.

Finis

While composing a final chapter, it's a good idea to keep in mind the sequel.

It's far easier writing (or living) a promising opener than a satisfying conclusion.

We are rapt by the persuasiveness of our own arguments, then turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to evidence that contradicts us.

To an opponent who introduces his argument with "I know," the most appropriate rejoinder is "auf Wiedersehen."

Language-cop Citations

The fitness athlete was introduced as an "Iron Man lady." Was she competing in the Transgender Games?!

After the crash: "The last fifteen minutes on Wall Street yesterday were a roller coaster." No they weren't--roller coasters go up and down; the Market ride was unidirectional!

"With First-Plus, you can get up to $40,000 or more." Which is it, up to or more? (It can't be both.)

When the Constitution established the standard for impeachment as "high crimes and misdemeanors," wasn't that a bit like imposing the electric chair for first-degree murder and jay-walking?!

The educator defended Head Start "for students at risk to succeed." Maybe next we can do something for those at risk to fail?!

Christian Cruise Line: "Feast your body and feed your soul."

Feasting my body and feeding my soul--
The message sounds Messianic.
But preaching and praying all day and night?
I'd personally prefer the Titanic!

Final answer?!

Whenever you feel compelled to do something irrational, distract yourself until the feeling passes.

I think I should turn left; I feel I should turn right. I'll turn left.

Fortunately for me, I usually have some time to reflect before acting on my impulses.

Having made a final decision, give yourself a chance to reconsider.

Pro-choice

The grandest larceny is to rob someone of choices.

A choice between inconsequential alternatives is no choice at all.

Inability to decide between one's choices can be worse than having no choices.

When you have no good choices, opt for the least bad.

Take my advice...

When you solicit my advice and I give it, we are acting together; if you take my advice, you're on your own!

Advice is free only when disregarded.

The Journey

Life is a succession of greater or lesser excellent adventures--grab your pith helmet!

If you go with the flow, you'll probably arrive sooner; but you may not like where you've gotten to.

By choice or happenstance, we're traveling widely divergent paths; if both reach our common destination, it doesn't much matter how we get there or who arrives first.

A circular path will only get one back to where one started from.

The journey is long, the transit brief; perhaps you should accelerate?

When adrift, it's helpful to grab the tiller.

One can move forward or backward; the thing one can not do (for long) is stand still.

Costs and Consequences

Suppose. Then make it happen. If you can.

Once you've affirmatively answered "Can I?" ask yourself "Should I?"

For every action there is a consequence and a cost.

Does the payoff warrant the effort? If not, sit back down.

Doubt is the progenitor of all Progress.

Verities

The pair were sitting in a stolen car, in front of the bank, wearing ski masks; according to police, "The two men looked suspicious"!

He tried to board the plane carrying a knife and a semi-automatic pistol; "Now the FBI have some questions for that passenger"!

Stock analyst, on Market rebound: "Things changed"!

Viewer Advisory: "Because this is actual heart surgery, some scenes may be a bit on the bloody side"!

Throwing his hat in the ring? "I'll make a decision by the end of the year, and it will either be Yes or No"!

Lights...camera...action!

The noteworthiness of one's performance depends, in part, on the demands of the role one plays.

One need not always do one's best; sometimes good enough is good enough.

When she said, "I found myself in a difficult situation," did she mean to imply that she had nothing to do with bringing about either the difficulty or the situation?

Never try to gauge your endurance with the wind at your back.

Endgame

The greatest threat is to him with most to lose.

One with nothing to lose has everything to gain.

Sometimes the endgame is to see who can lose least.

The strongest alliances are based not on common interests but on common enemies.

Feeling lucky?

You may get lucky--but don't count on it.

Before one can have dessert, one must eat one's peas!

One's error is not mitigated by accusing another of making the same mistake.

Comedy or Tragedy?

Much of what passes for human tragedy is really black comedy.

One needn't grin and bear it; one need only bear it.

I am weary to my bones of pervasive baseness, deceit, and stupidity.

The Key

Acceptance of what is (and its/our relative unimportance) may be a key--if not to happiness, at least to contentment; if not to contentment, at least to equanimity; if not to equanimity, at least to sanity.

There's always "something missing."

Vive la difference!

Can't we just be different without one of us having to be better?

Whomever I enhance enhances me; whomever I diminish diminishes me.

Friends don't flatter or humor me; friends encourage and uplift me.

If you know me and reject me, that's my loss; if you don't know me and reject me, that's your loss.